You’ve managed to arrange the first Tinder date with a girl. Here are the three fundamental tips to succeed with her.
First: you need to develop some kind of intimate connection with her in the texting phase. If she is already attracted to you once she meets you the first time, you have way more chances to succeed.
Second: you need to stay on her emotional level throughout the whole date.
Third: you have to build her attraction and make moves on her in small steps.
I know, there are many pitfalls and difficulties when you meet someone from an online dating app. That’s why I write this definitive guide about the first Tinder date to help you avoid a lot of mistakes and provide some tips to create chemistry with your dating partner.
Foundations of the successful tinder date
Make her attracted to you before the date
You may already know that women’s attraction toward guys is constantly changing to a greater or lesser extent.
When someone likes you, you can tell from the way she texts. Your job is to identify the moment when she is at her emotional peak, and then ask her out. If you’re more experienced or you’ve read my book, you know exactly what and how you need to act, behave and communicate to build strong attraction even in beautiful women in the online dating environment.
The greatest secret for a successful first Tinder date is this:
“You need no tricks and techniques on the date if she is already attracted to you”
Most of the time, I can easily turn things sexual during my dates because at the moment we meet she is already attracted to me. I lay a lot of emphasis on the texting phase to make her like me. Though I try to do my best on my dates if I find the girl attractive. But honestly, I don’t need to make huge efforts to take her home or to schedule a second date. You can win the game with your texting skills.
Can you screw things up on the date even if you did everything well on Tinder? Of course! There are many pitfalls in your first Tinder date.
So, let’s take a look at how you can avoid major mistakes and become exceptional on your first dates.
Keep her emotions high until the date
Even though the girl agreed to a date with you, your job is not finished yet. You must keep the girl’s level of interest high until the meeting, otherwise, she will come up with some excuses for why she cannot show up on the date.
The crucial thing after you fixed the date is to keep the conversation flowing until you meet her. If you need ideas, check out this post.
Ask her out at the right moment
Until this point, the purpose of your conversation was to generate strong emotions in girls to get them to invest in you emotionally. If you know how you need to trigger emotions in women, you can generate a burning desire in them. If you do this well, an invitation for a date is going to be a piece of cake.
But how do you know if it is the right time to ask her out?
Have you been in love with someone? I have. I tried to hide my feelings from the girl, and from everyone else. But, of course, everyone knew about it.
When you feel strong emotions, it has obvious signs.
When someone likes you, you can tell from the way she texts. Your job is to identify the moment when she is at her emotional peak, and then ask her out.
Every woman communicates a bit differently, but there are always signs whether she likes you or not. Here are a few examples of high-interest level:
- She laughs on your jokes
- She asks a lot about you
- She is trying to impress you
- She is interested in your daily routines
- She makes compliments
- She touches you
- She teases you
It’s OK to stress about the date
A lot of guys become nervous before dates. Back then I was one of them, especially when I met particularly beautiful women. But after several dates, I started to calm down. After hundreds (yes!) of dates, I feel nothing before I meet someone. When you repeat a process even though you’re scared, your body and mind eventually learn to handle the situation emotionally.
„Accept the butterflies in your stomach”
Act like a man with options
When the girl assumes you have high hopes about the two of you, she will lose attraction. If she sees you try your best to impress her you will come off as needy. This is unattractive. But why?
A big chunk of a man’s attractiveness comes from his social status. Status is invisible, but girls can guess your place in the hierarchy from your behavior.
For example, high-status men have a ton of dating options, so they rarely act needy.
Once she senses your needy behavior, she will conclude that you do not have many dating options, you have low status, and you are unattractive. This is true even if you are physically attractive.
How not to appear needy? Just think how a guy would think with a lot of dating options:
“Don’t think about whether she likes you or not. Think about whether she is good enough for you”
If you have high expectations about the date, you’ll be thinking all the way through about whether she likes you or not, whether you said the right things, or you just made a mistake.
Also, control your thoughts and emotions.
A lot of times I played a little mind game when I was dating someone. It’s silly but very effective. I imagined that everything she did and said was on a specific purpose: to make good impressions on me.
…Low neckline dress? She tries to turn me on.
…She laughs on my lame joke? She tries to impress me.
…A gentle touch on her hair? She tries to look more attractive.
At first, these thoughts may seem silly, but they help you to calm down and become more confident.
A woman will only truly respect a man if she knows she can do something that will make the man leave her. Without respect, there is no attraction for women.
That’s why you should always be able to walk away when a woman says or does something that is incompatible with your values.
What are these values?
It’s totally up to you and your preferences. Your values are ideas, thoughts, views that are important to you. Setting boundaries based on your values can create conflicts but it’s a VERY ATTRACTIVE masculine quality.
For me, for example, being late from the date and making phone calls during a date are violating my personal boundaries.
90% of the time, when I let girls hurt my boundaries and didn’t stand up against it, I lost attraction and eventually lost the girl. They don’t know why they are not attracted to me anymore, but deep inside they lose respect. Respect, that only genuinely attractive guys demand.
After she hurts your values, make it clear for them that it’s not okay:
- to be late 30 minutes
- to call someone on the phone
- to insult you
- to smoke/drink/do drugs even though you asked her not to do so
- or anything else that violates your boundaries
If someone says appearance is not important, then he is lying. You can be smart, hilarious, cool, if your appearance is not as good as it can be, you will lose attraction. Period.
You don’t need to be Brad Pitt. Even I’m very far from Brad Pitt and I have a ton of dates with hot girls. But I do my best with the tools I have.
Stay clean, wash your teeth, have a shower, use antiperspirant deodorant spray or stick. Be very conscious of your hygiene.
Choose a style that fits you. I’m a classic T-shirt + jeans guy. I like to wear minimalistic but trendy clothes but what’s more important than any trend is the fact I choose clothes, shoes, and accessories that are fit well on me. It’s up to you if you prefer casual or informal style but be aware of what your type of girls like, and also what you find attractive on other men.
It is also essential to take care of your hair and beard (including other body hair). Many women love facial hair, some women also love the beard, but only if it is well-groomed.
Often the logistics separate a good date from a bad one. And yes, often a poorly chosen venue or bad timing spoils an otherwise great first meeting.
When you see clear signs that she is interested in you (shows several signs of emotional high) arrange the date to the closest day possible. Since attraction is always decreasing, you have way more chances to actually meet her if you only have to keep her attraction for 1 day than for 1 week after you asked her out.
If the two of you agreed upon the date on Thursday but you schedule the meeting on Monday then start building up her emotional peak until Sunday night when you fix the date again.
What time to schedule the date?
Usually, Friday and Saturday are for friends and her social circle, but if you ask her out on Thursday you should definitely try to fix the date on the other day (Friday).
Try to meet her early enough so she doesn’t have to step down before things turn sexual or intimate.
I have had a few hundreds of dates from Tinder and I experience a very strong correlation between the length of the date and the likelihood of having a sex/relationship with someone. This is explained by the fact that a much more intense and deeper attraction can be developed over a longer period of time. In addition, there is the subsequent rationalization in many women:
“If I’ve been here with this guy for 5 hours, he must be very attractive.”
Arrange the date as early as possible in the afternoon, so if the date goes well, it can last up to 4-5 hours, which will dramatically increase your chances.
When you choose your dating venue or place, one thing is very important. Eliminate as many factors as possible that prevent you from paying attention to each other. Lunch or dinner, walk or even sports are good choices. A museum, a loud bar, a social event, a movie in the cinema are bad decisions.
While there are many women who don’t sleep with guys for the first time, it’s still a good idea to organize your first meeting at a place close to you. There are several benefits to it.
On the one hand, you probably know the area better, and on the other hand, even if she doesn’t have sex with you, it creates some kind of intimacy and trust if she hangs out with you at your place.
When choosing a place to meet, you have to make the final decision on where to go and what to do. But that doesn’t mean you have to completely ignore her wishes.
The best possible choice is a cozy and quiet place. The goal is to have fun with each other.
Always have a B plan in case plan A doesn’t work.
My advice is very simple:
Pay first, but don’t pay much.
Forget fancy restaurants, cocktail bars, and expensive clubs. Some of them will want you to pay for everything, but the ones who genuinely like you will at least want to split the bill. You decide if you let her pay for the second round, split the bill at the end or you pay for everything, but be aware of the following:
Girls can only be attracted to guys in the long run who they do things for.
50-50 works. 80-20 works. 100-0 doesn’t work at least not in the long term.
WHAT TO AIM FOR ON YOUR FIRST TINDER DATE
Now, take a look at the main components of a successful tinder date. I don’t want to share with you too complicated and advanced tips, so I try to keep it as simple as I can. If you want to know more advanced techniques, check out my ebook here.
What to aim for: creating emotions
Women are not going to like you because of your appearance, your scent or if you two can have a great conversation. Women are going to be attracted to know you, to be with you, to date you because their emotions are motivating them to do so.
Sometimes women are affected by men who are physically attractive, but more often than not, you have to build this attraction in them.
The purpose of the date should be the following:
“You need to create strong emotions in girls, so they become aroused and attracted to you.”
Women love to have fun. I’m not talking only about humor. Although jokes, teasing and funny stories are all important parts of creating a fun environment between you two. Besides humor, you can make them feel joy by coming up with interesting stories, playing games or about an awkward moment from your last party. To a certain degree, everyone can develop a good sense of humor
What to avoid: acting unattractive
Negative Emotions: The most obvious signs of unattractiveness are negative feelings. Women sense it not only on an intuitive but also on a conscious level. Most women quickly get rid of negative people, simply because they don’t want to get in touch with negative things.
In general, you should avoid any topic at the first meeting that could cause any of you to feel upset, angry, disappointed, needy, etc. That doesn’t mean you can’t talk about difficult or deep topics but don’t let the mood drop.
Questions about the two of you: You just shouldn’t talk about how you feel about her, and you shouldn’t ask her about what she feels about you. These questions most often kill the attraction in women as the power dynamics between the two of you change.
If you ask what she thinks of you or whether she wants something more from you, all of a sudden you become the one between you and her who wants to get something from the other. At this moment you give all the power to the girl. If you’re powerless, you’re unattractive.
Asking for permission: Can I ask you a question? Is it good for you if we go to XY place? Do you see the problem with these questions? If you ask for permission, you lose control and say: “Hey, would you please decide what I can and do and say?”
Do you want permission from your best friend or your family to ask them something? Of course not! Then why is it so important to get the approval of a girl you don’t even know? I know you don’t want to ruin anything. But the mistake is not some inappropriate questions; it’s your behavior.
Sometimes I ask girls about their favorite sex positions, or if they did very nasty things in bed. And you know what?
Most of the time, they answer these questions, and even if they don’t, they don’t make a big deal of it. The only thing you have to consider is her attraction or interest level. If she is into you, you can ask anything from her without losing attractiveness.
Bragging: Men usually tend to be attracted to women earlier than women do. Most men at the beginning of the interaction feel this imbalance between their attraction level.
They realize that the girl is not attracted to them as much as the other way around, but most men don’t know it’s a natural process. So, what do they do? They try to exaggerate themselves. They start bragging, flexing, saying good things about themselves to look more attractive in order not to lose the girl.
Of course, the desire to seem attractive is a natural emotion. Every man wants to make a good impression on beautiful girls, but bragging is not the right way. Be honest, show your values but don’t try to look like someone who is not you.
BUILDING PHYSICAL ATTRACTION ON YOUR FIRST TINDER DATE
You have to start escalating her because if you don’t turn things toward sexual directions, after a while she will be unable to be attracted to you in a sexual way. You don’t need to talk about sex for 2 hours, but sometimes you have to touch her, tease her, you have to create an intimate aura around the two of you.
Escalate in small steps
There are two mistakes in escalation. If you make moves too fast, or you make them too slow.
In the initial phase, act as if you’ve met a friend of yours. Be polite, be kind, but don’t look desperate and needy.
Touching is key to physical attraction. The goal is to lead her to a phase where touching each other feels natural. Girls rarely let you kiss them or let alone sleep with them if they haven’t got used to your touches previously. Of course, there are exceptions but to maximize your chances, you need to go along in small steps.
If she rejects your advances then don’t say or show that you are offended or you are being sorry. This is what a man has to do. You have to take the initiative, there is nothing to be ashamed of.
Taking her home
Maybe you don’t want to rush things with her. But maybe, you only want a one-night stand from her, and it’s perfectly okay.
There are a LOT of women who don’t admit it, but they also want someone only for one night and never see him again.
There are several difficulties you need to solve when you want to take her home. Sometimes she is already into it after 30 minutes, but sometimes you need to work on it for like hours.
Trust: For her in order to trust you, sometimes you have to open up during the date and show your vulnerable side. Don’t use vulnerability as a technique, you need to be honest with her about who you are. But the more she is physically attracted to you the less trust you need to build in her to make out with her.
Physical attraction: Of course, there needs to be some kind of affection between the two of you to turn things sexual. To turn up the heat between the two of you, you need to escalate. Tease her, use double entendre (make jokes that involve subtle sexuality), touch her arm, then hold her hand, hug her, kiss on the cheek, and if there’s no rejection, kiss her very slowly.
The last 10 minutes
For many years I was puzzled with this question:
“Why doesn’t she want to see me again, though she enjoyed our first date?”
Of course, there can be billions of reasons for that, but I recognized a pattern that may be caused a big chunk of my failures. Whenever the last few minutes were worse than the rest of the date, there was significantly less chance for me to schedule the second date with them.
Sometimes I tried to kiss them, but they were not ready for it, or the mood dropped. I realized that for women, the last few minutes is incredibly important on a date. Though I wasn’t aware of it, a lot smarter guys than me already solved this puzzle with scientific experiments.
Daniel Kahneman, a Nobel-prize winner psychologist, shared an experiment in his book, Thinking Fast and Slow.
Participants are asked to hold their hands up to the wrist in painfully cold water until they are invited to remove it and are offered a warm towel.
There were two types of this process. In the first one, patients were told to hold their left or right hands in the water for 60 seconds.
After the first round, they were also told to hold their other hand under cold water, but after 60 seconds, the experimenter opened the valve that allowed slightly warmer water to flow into the tub. During the additional 30 seconds, the temperature of the water rose by roughly 1°, just enough for most subjects to detect a slight decrease in the intensity of pain.
Interestingly 80% of the participants believed, that the second experiment was less painful because it ended with slightly less pain.
What to note?
Our memory is strongly influenced by the end of our experiences.
If you had an amazing first tinder date with a cutie, but you made some major mistakes, in the end, you can screw the whole date with it. But if you end your date on a high note (i.e. highly positive emotions) you have significantly higher chances to see her again.