As I’m writing this article, my goal is to write it to myself a little bit as well. I wanted a complete “How to hookup on dating apps” guide that I can look into when I screw up something with a girl.
To hookup with someone on dating apps like Tinder, first you need to take care of your profile and photos. Then you should sort out women who want serious relationship with guys and who aren’t as intereseted in you as fast as you can. Get rid of unattractive behaviour and spark the fire with confident and smooth messages.
Is Tinder good for hookups?
As you probably heard it before, Tinder for example is claimed to be a hookup app. Of course, there are a huge variety of online dating apps and sites, some to help users to find meaningful relationships, but still, you can find partners for flings no matter what the interface is.
So, how easily can you hook up with girls?
It’s up to you… But there are still best practices that actually work, with you can ramp up the probabilities that you won’t watch Netflix tonight (at least alone).
Preparing for hookups on dating apps
Looks (and photos)
Does your appearance matter regarding one-night stands?
If anyone says something else, he is lying. Looks matter. But so other qualities. That’s why you can compensate if you are not born something like this:
Having no model looks cannot be an excuse for you to give up trying.
Two things to consider in age settings: competition, and willingness to have one-night stands. It’s a generalization, but it can still be useful:
- The younger she is, the more likely she happily will participate in short flings, but you’ll have huge competition with other guys for her attention.
- The older she is, the less competition you have to face, however, it’s more likely that she is tired of hookups and wants a long-term relationship with someone. I have equal successes with each group but you may have to get better results with one or another depending on your character and age.
Screening girls – swiping
Basically, there are two types of girls on online dating apps: the ones who seek Providers, and the ones who seek Lovers.
There are obvious signs when you have low probabilities that a girl won’t have sex with you anytime soon. Be suspicious if you see something like this on her profile:
Jokes aside, there are obvious signs that one-night stands won’t work because she shows that she seeks serious relationship even if she doesn’t text it. You’ll have a hard time asking her over if she has these lines in her profile or she sends messages regarding these pieces of information:
Qualifying herself: Women can get someone for sex whenever they want. Period. Guys standing in lines to meet even average-looking girls, so when she brings up her positive qualities, like her job, studies, hobbies, activities, chances are, she wants to qualify herself in order to find someone for a serious relationship. That doesn’t mean you can’t succeed but prepare for difficulties.
Asking for “provider-type” qualities: when women seek something casual, they don’t give a fuck about your studies, your relationship with your parents, and your ambitions. They usually want a decent looking (or hot) guy, with a cool personality and a fun vibe. That’s it. If she asks about your daily activities, your goals, your personality traits, or something similar she doesn’t want to shake the sheets with you – at least not until you invest in a relationship with her.
“What are you looking for here?”: I had a lot of casual sex with a lot of girls from online dating apps like Tinder. But I’ve never had sex only with those who asked this. When she wants to know whether you seek relationships or hookups on dating apps, she wants to sort out those who are looking for the latter (sex). If she wants to hook up or a relationship but doesn’t make a fuss if there happens to be a few one-night stands, then she won’t ask this.
On the other hand, you can find a lot of chicks who provide enough information from where you know that you have high probabilities to invite her over on the first or second date.
She is traveling and won’t stay for long: Obviously, a girl wants sex if she stays in your city for a few days and she wants to meet you.
You can easily meet her: girls who are into casual sex are easier to get them to date you. Seriously, I don’t have a scientific reason for this, but I think there’s something to do with the differences between lover and provider qualities. Since detecting provider qualities usually takes a lot of time, but lover qualities not, if you’re fairly cool and don’t screw up your first date, chances are that you can hook up with her. The other reason for this is the following: girls who don’t stress about their decisions (i.e. meeting someone who they barely know) are usually the ones who make quick decisions based on their actual emotions (willing to sleep with you if they enjoy spending time with you).
You have total control: I met a girl from Tinder last year. We had a decent conversation, nothing sexual, nothing flirty. But I recognized that while she was passive, she also answered all my questions and she let me decide where and what to do. If this happens, all you need is a bit of trust on her behalf, and usually you have quite an easy job to arrange a one-night stand with her on the first or second date.
I won’t advise any other technique for coming up with the perfect opener than what’s in one of my previous blog posts:
Complete turn-offs for girls
So far so good. Until this point, if you’ve prepared as well as you could, the majority of your tasks are already done.
The good news is that when you want sex, and she as well, you don’t need long messaging sessions with her. You need short, on-point messages to establish your dominant and fun personality. It strengthens the attractiveness you already gained from your photos and maybe your bio.
But there a lot of caveats in this regard. You can fail on a lot of levels. If you seem too pushy, too needy, she won’t meet up with you. If you are too shy, she won’t find you dominant enough, which is necessary for women to get aroused by men. If you don’t escalate in a sexual direction her attraction will disappear. And if you are too explicit about sexuality she may show signs that she is into wild and nasty activities with you, but if you can’t act immediately (i.e. meet her right away, chances are she will regret thinking about sexual scenarios with you the next day).
Failing to read that she is not into you
No matter what you want, some girls aren’t willing to have a one-night stand with anyone, and they will be clear about it. However, most women, even the seemingly good girls – crave sex, but they often try to hide it from themselves and others to live up to the expectations of society. Women are afraid of being labeled as whores because it causes them a bad reputation, which can easily lead to loss of their status. Many women won’t open up sexually even if they secretly want you to rip their clothes off. So, you have to lead her toward intimacy and take the burden off her shoulders.
From a biological point of view, women have much more to lose when it comes to sex. As a result, their behavior has evolved to be much pickier about their partners.
While most men plug it in whatever they can, women often wait – often despite their desires – to make sure they are safe with the man. They want a reassuring feeling from an emotionally independent, powerful man. An attractive man gives signs that he is independent and does not shy away from hardship and emotional stress.
But maybe you don’t seem like a guy who she really wants. Maybe you are only the 3rd or 10th in the row of potential sex partners. Maybe you did or texted something wrong, that is ruined your attractiveness. I wrote a complete guide if she ghosted you, and chances are you can recover from it.
However, there are many times when she doesn’t see you as a potential dating partner anymore and you can do nothing about it. If she really wants to meet you, she will find a way for doing so. If she is hesitant, cancels, and postpones dates, she isn’t into you.
“The medium is the message. If she’s not giving you a clear answer, THAT IS the clear answer. She’s not into you.”
Being too sexual
It may seem counterintuitive at first but being too sexual actually does more harm than good for you during online seduction. When women need someone for sex, they try to shut down their conscious minds, because they don’t want to take responsibility for their actions.
If you suggest what would happen when the two of you meet, or you talk about a lot of sexual topics, she can easily change her mind even if she is horny as fuck. Why is that?
There are several reasons for this: maybe she doesn’t know you, and she may think that a horny guy can be dangerous. But one of the key reasons is that being too sexual actually kills the sexual tension and lowers your attractiveness.
You don’t escalate
These are the questions that won’t lead you anywhere in terms of attraction boosting. Of course, you can, and you should ask neutral questions to get to know her a little bit more. But in most cases, you need to establish a flirty vibe, where you can confidently tease her.
Being emotionally attached to someone is a complete turn-off for girls. Women want an emotional rock – at least at the beginning of the relationship – a man, who can control his emotions, his behavior, his environment, and even girls. Women need a MAN (with capitals), not someone who desperately tries everything to get his hands onto them. Try to avoid extreme emotions when you have a conversation with girls, like a lot of emojis, too many questions, texting such things as “I missed you”, or “I really like you.” Emotionally uninvested behavior is not only important, but it’s also a prerequisite to have one-night stands with hot girls.
“Must have”-s for Tinder one-night stands
Most of the time, dominant behavior is a huge turn-on for girls. But it’s so easy to get it wrong.
If you are not that tough like Hulk from the ’70s…
… chances are, you need to build up your dominant character step-by-step.
If you naturally look like an alpha male, then it’s easier for you. If you are more skinny type, or inexperienced, you don’t need to overdo the dominance game. That’s why subtle dominance comes into play. With these little tricks, you can build up your dominance without being too try-hard. Here are a few easy steps:
- “I think I like you” is dominant because a statement of intent is dominant. Adding “I think” prevents her from losing interest because she now has to chase your full validation.
- “You’re cute”, because it makes her feel small and somewhat inferior without offending her.
- Teasing also works, because the “teaser” always in a higher position (he judges the other), but since the whole situation is based around humor and fun, girls don’t feel that you want to oppress them.
- Playfully disagreeing with her. Make sure to follow this up with something funny or witty.
- Nicknames: coming up with some funny nicknames also strengthens your dominance playfully. Give her a hilarious nickname (for example Barchoba Champion, if she really sucks at barchoba. But avoid the creepy ones like honey, darling, sweetie, beauty, because they are not only cheesy, but you will appear needy.
- “I like that” (if she says something smart). Most guys are afraid to state their opinion. When you validate her opinion by saying “You are right”, it shows that you have your own ideas about things and you don’t bend your reality to impress her. It only works if you also say when you don’t agree with her.
Smoothness is a difficult conception. Imagine someone like Bruce Willis in Die Hard. He is the character who never panics, who never loses his mind, and no matter how difficult his situation is, he stays calm and finds a solution sooner or later.
Smoothness basically means emotionally independent behavior. No matter what the girl texts or does you have to act like it doesn’t affect you emotionally. Girls test guys all the time, to detect if they become needy or stay cool and calms.
If you are not sure: find out her needs:
Sometimes I’m not sure if a girl wants a romantic relationship or into casual sex, so pose a very simple question: What are you looking for on Tinder?
There are basically 3 types of answers:
- I’m looking for a boyfriend
Obviously, this is the easiest kind of situation. Most likely she will turn down any of your attempts to make advances on her. It’s needless to say, that you have to move on to the next girl if she replies something like this. She will probably ask you the same. Answer this:
Most girls won’t risk meeting you and having unplanned sex with a stranger, but a substantial percentage will appreciate your honesty and consider having an affair with you.
- I only want casual sex
This is sometimes a bit tricky because most of the time women can only lose by saying such things.
Since even moderately attractive girls can get sex whenever they want, they don’t need to be clear about their intentions. Also, a lot of guys become weird and needy when they have a chance to have sex with an attractive girl. And lastly, when they send a message like this, they can even get into a risky situation, because if they change their minds, guys can be frustrated and angry, therefore dangerous.
So maybe it’s a test, or maybe she wants to deceive you. Or maybe she really wants to hook up with you. You can find it out easily: ask her out. If she is in, you’re good to go. If she is hesitant, or cancels the date, move on to the next girl.
- I don’t know / I’m not sure
Believe it or not, this kind of reaction is your best chance to hook up with her.
When she says something like: I don’t know what I want, it will turn out… blablabla, it can mean two things:
- “I want sex, but I want you to work for it and prove that you deserve me.”
- “Deep inside I want a real relationship with someone but I’m not against hookups if I’m very attracted to a guy.”
In my opinion, you can have short flings from dating apps with two methods.
The first method requires more effort than the other. After you selected the right girl and established your dominance, wait until 7-9 in the evening and ask her about her program that night.
If she says “nothing”, then text her this:
If she says anything but a clear NO, then you can push things a little, but never be too pushy or appear needy.
Sometimes she is into it, but sometimes you need several back-and-forth messaging when she says “It’s too late”, “I’m hungry”, I don’t know if I can trust you” until she doesn’t have any more excuses.
If she is not a big fan of going to strangers’ place for the first time, there remains the other option: ask her out for an everyday date and escalate her. Here’s a blog post for the perfect first date.