How to ask a girl out – A method that always works for me

How to ask a girl out - Undecided girl texting on bed

Written by Ryan Cross

Maybe you are unsure about how to ask a girl out from Tinder, Facebook, Instagram or from anywhere else. Although I use the word “dating” in my blog posts and ebook, the first and most important thing is when you ask out somebody, you don’t call it a date. Don’t ask, “Do you want to date with me?”. Use the phrase “meeting” or “hanging out” instead.

Dating is scary for many girls. We usually expect that something should happen on a date, which puts many girls under pressure. Talking about a date means you want something from the girl, and this is a clear sign you feel something for her. We don’t want to show this to them.

When to invite girls for a date?

Even though if you’ve been talking to someone every day for a week, she may not be more likely to meet you as if you asked her out after your third message. If not time and not the volume of messages count, then what? The short answer is what you already know: the degree of her attraction. 

Of course, we’ve learned that attraction needs to be built up most of the time, but it happens that she already likes you regardless of what you write to her.

Women are most likely to agree to a date when they feel strong emotions. 

They have to feel this emotional high to become motivated enough to go out with you. Girls can reach these emotional peaks after you told a great story, a hilarious joke, a meaningful life event. There are several ways to get them to feel something.

The question, then, is how to figure out when a woman is at her emotional peak.

The affection, the interest, the intense feelings can be observed in women as well as in men, even if you only talk to each other online. A girl is at her emotional high when you experience at least some of the followings in her behavior:

  • Laughs a lot at your jokes
  • Uses many emoticons
  • Writes a lot and often
  • Asks a lot about you
  • Tries to show her best self
  • Interested in your schedules
  • Agrees with you most of the time
  • Texts even if you don’t text to her
  • Likes your pictures
  • Calls you


If you experience at least 2-3 of these signs simultaneously, you can, and you should ask her out. Let’s take a look at the complete process of 


How to ask a girl out – The process

After you ignited her emotions with your messages, it’s time to invite her to a date. The key is dominance and decisiveness. You must always know when and where you are going, so never ask her, “Do you want to meet?”

However, before you ask her out, you need to know what’s her schedule for the next few days. It would be unwise to text:

Instead, ask her what she’s doing this week. If you ask her about her schedule, she will likely to be interested in the meeting if:

  • She says she has nothing to do this week
  • She is free
  • She asks why you are asking her about her schedule


Once you know what time she is free, just tell her what you planned for that day.

If you have done everything well so far, she will agree, and in the best-case scenario, you will be able to meet her that day or the other. However, if she claims she will be free, let’s say one week later, you will have to keep her interest level high up until then; otherwise, she will likely to cancel the meeting.


But what if she has excuses?

How to ask a girl out if she has excuses? Whatever the excuse is, if she doesn’t offer you another time for a date, it means she’s not motivated enough to meet you. It’s that simple. Most of the time, I usually call girls who like me and give me a lot of signs of interest, so I rarely bump into a girl looking for excuses why she can’t meet me.

However, if this happens, it’s up to you to decide whether to give it another chance or to focus on other girls. When I choose to continue working on the project (her), I try to increase the level of my attractiveness with messages. If the conversation goes well, I wait for one of the emotional peaks and ask her out again. 

If at this point, she still makes excuses, you have to move on because you will be unlikely to succeed with this particular woman. Maybe she is dating with someone else too, or she didn’t think about you as a potential dating partner from the beginning… or you made mistakes.


Follow-up messages


Once you have successfully arranged the date, your work isn’t finished. You need to keep her interest and emotional investment high until the date. I bet you have had many great conversations before, but at the last moment, often something mysterious happened to some of the girls that made them cancel the date. 

I’ve heard everything from lost dogs to a broken ankle. Girls can be very creative in finding reasons not to meet you if they are a little hesitant. Personally, I never try to find out if something really happened to them or they made up these stories. I advise you to do the same because even If it turns out you were right, it will lower your chances to succeed with that very girl because you look quite needy. If she comes up with an excuse, always assume that she doesn’t feel the same emotions about you when she agreed to go on a date with you. 

To avoid cancellation, you need to keep her interest on a relatively high level. Unfortunately, the more you have to wait to meet someone, the more likely she will cancel the date, so you often have to manage the situation while it’s hot.

Becoming upset when a woman tries to call off the date is the shortest way to lose her attraction. Keep this idea in your head:


“Women are emotional beings.”


If a girl tries to cancel a date, it’s because she is no longer in an elevated state of mind than before. Remember, the attraction is steadily disappearing sometimes even when you did everything right.

Based on this, your job is to give her endorphins – through the right messages – and you’ll be surprised how often you can make an undecided girl re-excited.

The key is always to be understanding, don’t persuade, instead change the subject, and start rebuilding her attraction. If you can change her mood, you can change her attitude about the date.

Sometimes it’s that simple. Sometimes not, especially if you’ve made mistakes in the conversation before.

I wrote an entire ebook about online dating, that involves all the mistakes guys usually commit when they’re texting to girls. It’s called The Book of Online Seduction. It’s not only about texting mistakes, but the successful mindset, attractive behavior, psychological rules, and over 100 highly effective customizable lines, including the world’s best opener.

Since I worked on it at least 2-3 years, I knew it’s quite good, but I didn’t expect the overwhelming reactions to it. One of my students told me that this book is his Bible for dating and relationship. So, I highly recommend it to you.