How to find a girlfriend on Tinder


Written by Ryan Cross

In this extensive guide, we will look at all the crucial aspects you need to do the right way to find a girlfriend on dating apps such as Tinder, Hinge, or Bumble. I’ll show you:

  • the way how women are getting attracted (very briefly)
  • how to display confidence online
  • how to communicate your values
  • the necessary types of photos to find a girlfriend
  • the perfect online dating bio for you if you want a serious relationship
  • the online dating opener that got me three girlfriends
  • how to develop trust and rapport with a girl
  • and how to go out with her.

How can you find a girlfriend on Tinder?

When you aim to get a girlfriend on online dating apps like Tinder, you need only two things. To present yourself as a high-value guy by displaying your confidence and showing her your attractive life. And also, to connect with her emotionally by developing rapport and trust between the two of you.


Finding a girlfriend on Tinder is more than possible


In a recent Stanford study, people from the U.S. who are married, living with a partner, or in a committed romantic relationship were asked about where they first met their spouse or partner. Here are the most common ways couples first met in 1995, compared to recent years.

  • Through Friends (1995) 33% 33%
  • Through Friends (2017) 20% 20%
  • Through or as Coworkers (1995) 19% 19%
  • Through or as Coworkers (2017) 11% 11%
  • In a Bar or Restaurant (1995) 19% 19%
  • In a Bar or Restaurant (2017) 27% 27%
  • Online (1995) 2% 2%
  • Online (2017) 39% 39%

Let’s not only compare two sets of data but also look into the tendencies. We will find that after 2010, the ratio of couples who first interacted on dating apps almost doubled in ten years.

So, yeah, finding a girlfriend on Tinder is pretty common. These days, it’s easier to get together with someone from an online dating application than from social circle, a club, from school or work.


What women expect from guys on dating apps?


Women, like men, have two types of sexual strategies. When looking for casual partners, they observe exciting, sexy details about men: masculine appearance, dominant behavior, sexual approach, ambiguous jokes, etc.

However, when looking for a lasting relationship, they instead pay more attention to qualities that show them clues about status and maturity.

High social status is hot

Women’s attraction evolved differently, like guys’ attraction. We tend to find physical attractiveness appealing in women. While women can become horny by a guy who looks like Enrique Iglesias, they have a way longer list of preferences about the ideal boyfriend. 

Girls usually need more than physical attractiveness when it comes to dating, especially when they want a new boyfriend: they find high social status incredibly hot. There are plenty of high-status clues that make someone a perfect boyfriend: confidence, intelligence, sense of humor, success, appearance, and leadership skills.

Show your confident side

Confidence is the most crucial characteristic to have if you want to find a girlfriend on Tinder. Being confident will impact and, more importantly, change every aspect of your life for the better. So, here are a few easy tips to become more confident online:


Use affirmative language

The most profound way to show your confidence to the girl over text is to use confident and affirmative sentences. For example, instead of saying something like “Do you want to hang out?” you can say Let’s hang out” or “We should hang out.” 

Framing the invitation as a question puts her in a power position and places you in a situation where you’re the one seeking authority. It’s way better to frame the question as a statement. It’s also better to offer an activity like having a walk or buying some ice-cream. It comes off as even more confident since you’re assuming she’s going to say yes. Other phrases and words you should use are “I am,” “I will,” “We will,” and so on.


Assume attraction

A straightforward way to display your confidence is to assume that the girl is already into you and act accordingly. Treat her like she’s the one who wants to be with you, and therefore, she has to work for you. This behavior will change up the dynamic and position you as the confident one that she needs to chase instead of you chasing her. Sending messages that position you above her are another cool way to signal your confidence to her through text. 

Important note:

When you act like she’s already into you, you should do it in a playful, lighthearted way.

Share with her your exciting life

Texting about exciting activities, work, and passions will not only let her connect with you on a deeper level but also can satisfy her inner evolutionary desires. Namely, to step into a more exciting life than hers. 

When choosing a partner for a long-term relationship, women want to be with someone whose life is more fulfilling than the current life they have.

When she asks you about your weekend, you shouldn’t say you won’t do anything, especially if she plans snowboarding in the mountains on Saturday. Instead, say something like this:

I don’t mean you should lie about your weekend plans. But chances are, you’ll have a hard time getting together with someone whose life is more adventurous than yours.

Photos: do’s and don’ts when you aim to find a girlfriend online


Sure, I could say you need good quality, professional photos on Tinder. Images that have great lighting and vivid colors, but everyone else will tell you this. 

Instead, I’ll show you what kind of photos to use and what to avoid if you want to grab the attention of those girls who want a lasting relationship.


Show what’s you’re passionate about

Women are attracted to guys who actually do something in their photos. It can be your profession, favorite sports you do, hiking and traveling, playing the guitar, or dancing. With each of these activities, you can display several high-status qualities of yourself, like competence, fitness, or the ability to bring out emotions from people (if you’re a musician).

Don’t be immature

Women who want a boyfriend are not into immature guys. So you may dump your drinking, partying, and twerking photos. Consider dressing more casually because it not only conveys a feeling of high-status but shows maturity too.

Show genuine (and positive) emotions

The following is my all-time best performing Tinder photo because it depicts me as a funny and carefree guy. It wasn’t a planned photo; I just laughed at something; that makes it so natural.

Don’t upload group photos

Avoid photos with girls and more than two people generally, because first, if you’re with girls, she will think that you’re a player. Secondly, if you’re with attractive guys, you will seem less appealing. Thirdly, if you’re with unattractive guys, you will come off as a low-status guy.

Bio for serious relationships

You can benefit from the “About Me” section if you clarify that you are looking for a relationship because many women filter out many guys who don’t want anything serious. It goes without saying that if you are looking for a girlfriend, you want to find someone open to long-term relationships.

The easiest way to let others know that you are looking for a long-term relationship is to write it in your bio in a non-cheesy way.

Online dating opener for long-term relationships

I have an online dating opener I’m using for years on Tinder and now on Facebook Dating. It’s so effective, especially when I want to find a girlfriend, that I haven’t changed any of its core elements since I discovered this method years ago.

My online dating opener is not a copy-paste text but more like a customizable formula. It goes like this:

Aside from the first two sentences, the message has two major components: attractive traits and emotionally uninvested traits.


Attractive traits

Attractive traits are the ones that make you appealing, like a cheesecake with hot chocolate on it. Communicating your job, your studies and your goals in a non-bragging but confident way shows high status. I usually text the following line about my attractive traits:

“I’m working as a blogger, have an online business, and when I have some free time, I play and teach indoor football.”


Emotionally uninvested traits

Communicating your emotionally uninvested traits show women that you’re laidback and funny. These qualities also display that you don’t take things too seriously, so you won’t appear like a douchebag. Emotionally uninvested characteristics are incredibly sexy to girls, even if they don’t know what it is. I use this line to appear emotionally uninvested and connect her on a deeper level:

“I’m unable to wake up early in the mornings (any tips?), I sing alone, and I won the local math competition when I was 10.”


Think about funny and cute things that are familiar to her. 

Saying “I can lick my elbow” is funny.

“I was so good at hide-and-seek that once my parents had to call the police” is cute and very funny.”

But texting “I usually late for first dates” can hurt your attractiveness. So use your emotional intelligence when you come up with your own uninvested qualities.

Filter women

When you want to find a girlfriend online, one of your greatest assets is your time. You shouldn’t waste it on women who don’t want a relationship or keep you as a texting buddy but have no intention of meeting you.

Swipe left these time-wasting kind of women on dating apps:

The ones who act too easy in their photos. These girls want attention, maybe sex, but hardly ever a serious relationship.

The Instagram celebrities. It’s not impossible to get together with someone who has 20 thousand followers. Heck, I had girls with a lot of followers too. But if I have to choose between the girl with a ton of followers or the who has 300 followers, I’d rather pick the latter, because it’s ten times easier to get together with her.

The party girls. Another clue that you have a ton of competition. When a girl is having a party every other day, and she is hot (of course, she is hot unless you wouldn’t want to date her), you bet she has many dating options. Again, you can get together with this type of girl, but it can be challenging.

Trust is the key to the relationship


Trust is the key element of long-term relationships. You only need attraction and trust if you want a long-lasting emotional connection with women. In order to get into a more intimate environment with you, she needs to trust you. They want to feel safe with a man who understands them.

Here are those things you should never do if you want to build trust in a girl:

  • Too many messages
  • Too few messages
  • Plans with her too early
  • Negative reactions
  • Being too predictable
  • Being too nice


Don’t be needy

Women are attracted to emotionally strong men. However, you can’t be a boyfriend kind of guy if you always follow your feelings. If a man is emotionally invested, he is no longer guaranteed to protect the woman because his emotions affect his decisions. 

“Listening to the heart” seems romantic, but in real life, needy guys turn off girls most of the time. Emotional men seem weak because they are easy to control. If you fall for a girl, you will do things for her that you wouldn’t normally do. 

Look at your environment; what kind of guys have the most beautiful girlfriends? The type of guys who seek every opportunity to flatter girls? I doubt it! It’s much more likely that most attractive women are going out with independent, grounded, confident men who have their own opinions about themselves and the world. These men are not afraid to act accordingly. 


Ask her interesting questions

Dull questions like “how are you?” can cause a loss of interest in girls; exciting ones, on the contrary, will take them out of their daily monotony. These questions capture their attention, imagination and allow the two of you to get to know each other. Also, it’s difficult for a girl to ignore these types of questions, and in most cases, she will ask you similar ones.

Interesting topics will deepen the connection between you as she opens up to you – which is easier for women in the virtual world these days.

“If you were working in a circus, what kind of artist would you be?”

“If you had a superpower, what would it be and why?”

“If you could choose something worth living for, what would it be?”

“Have you done anything you could have been arrested for?”

“Would you rather be with a rich guy or a great lover?”

“If you had only one week left in your life, what would you do?”

“Should a guy be a good dancer or a good kisser?”

“If I were Genie and you had three wishes, what would they be?”

Don’t ask her about her feelings

Let’s say you’re texting with a beauty. Maybe you’ve already imagined her as your girlfriend, and you try to move things forward to finally date her. When we want something so badly, it creates tension. You must hide this tension to avoid appearing unattractive. 

Women are attracted to guys who don’t give a damn about women’s thoughts and feelings about them. (This is the same emotionally uninvested trait we’ve talked about earlier.) Independent and emotionally mature guys don’t rely on women’s thoughts and emotions; they do what they want regardless of girls’ opinions.


“Do you feel anything about me?”


Why is it a bad idea to ask about her feelings?

If you hunt for feedbacks, she will notice that you want something from her; hence you are emotionally affected. This kind of emotional investment isn’t attractive at all. With this, you show the woman that she cannot rely on you because she can influence you through your emotions. 

Going out with her

Speaking of finding a girlfriend on Tinder, the most exciting and challenging part is the date itself. You can be the most hilarious and interesting guy online; it doesn’t matter if you cannot ignite a spark in person with her.

Across the whole date invitation process, from texting “Let’s meet somewhere” until the actual date, the most important thing is the timing. 

If you know when to ask her out, what day to plan the date, and how long the meeting should be, you are way ahead of other guys in finding your next girlfriend.

When to ask her out?

Women are most likely to go out with you on a date when they feel strong, positive emotions. It can be a good story that makes them curious, a hilarious joke that makes them laugh their ass off, or just a long and deep conversation that makes her open up to you.


When you’re texting a while, and she sends you a lot of laughing emojis, tells stories, asks a lot about you, or even calls you, then this is the exact moment you should ask her to go out with you.


If you did everything right until this point, you don’t need tricky questions and shady tactics to get her to meet you. Just text her this:

Plan the date 1 or 2 days in advance

In general, most girls follow an emotional train of thought instead of being logical when it comes to guys. You are making them more likely to flake on you the day of your scheduled date if it’s planned too far in advance.

The long stretch of time between the invitation and the actual date allows them to overthink whether or not they want to hang out with you or if you’re even worth hanging out with. The girl may be down to meet you on Monday when you’re talking to her and having a flirty conversation, but by the time Saturday rolls around, she is in a completely different emotional state.

So, before you ask her out, find out her schedule for the week, and for example, if she is free on Saturday, ask her out on Tuesday or Friday. It will dramatically increase the chances that she will actually show up on the date.


Keep up the momentum after you invited her

A huge mistake I see guys making over and over again is that they stop escalating after the girl agrees upon the meeting. Keep in mind the following:

Because attraction is always decreasing, you have to keep up the good vibe with her after you successfully asked her out.


The longer the date, the better

It’s not uncommon for me to have 4-5 hour-long dates with girls. The more time you spend with your dating partner, the more comfort, trust, and familiarity you can establish in the relationship. 

I usually pick two venues or activities. Maybe it’s ice-cream eating and going to a spot where we have a nice view of the city. Maybe it’s drinking in a bar and eating somewhere else. 

Be very chill but confident; talk about your goals and thoughts or topics you discussed earlier online, but this time in more detail. Remember, the goal isn’t to sleep with her or kiss her.  The goal is to maximize her level of attraction by keeping up the fun vibe, teasing her, talking about your life, being vulnerable and getting closer to her emotionally and physically—step by step.