How to Pick Up a Girl Over Text – the complete guide

Written by Ryan Cross

Maybe you recently started texting with a cutie, or you generally want to know how to pick up a girl over text, then this article is for you. In this blog post, I’m going to show you all the steps I’ve been using myself for years with great success. These tips generated hundreds of great dates, one-night-stands, and even a few relationships. I’m sure they will help you too.


So, how to pick up a girl over text?

To pick up a girl over text, don’t text too much, be needy or pushy, and don’t hide your intentions. Show her your funny and playful side, be confident and genuinely interested in her life. Build trust by showing your real personality, and ask her out when she becomes interested in you.


How to pick up a girl over text – the steps

So, here are the critical steps to pick up a girl over text. Make sure you go through and check all the steps whenever you text a girl. With this, you can multiply your chances to go out with her.

Important note

There is no definitive time frame to follow when you text girls. Sometimes you can meet her on the same day you chat with her the first time. Sometimes it takes weeks. You can read her interest level by certain signs in her behavior to evaluate the best time to ask her out—more about it in the last step.

Step Zero: maximize your online presence

Attractive women get messages all day, every day, from dating apps and social media. You cannot afford to go with crappy, grainy-looking photos and unmanaged dating and social media profiles if you want to date the best possible girls you can.

Great photos and dating/social media profiles don’t replace the texting phase but make it so much easier.


Be non-threatening

Before you can even start to build her attraction, the girl will decide whether you mean a threat to her or not. Of course, you don’t want anything wrong, but honestly, the internet is filled with guys with harmful intentions. Also, she might feel uncomfortable when she talks to a guy who cannot control his emotions and desires or hides something from her. Avoid these alarming signs when you want to pick up a girl over text:


Don't text too much

Most of the time, texting too much isn’t threatening, but it can be very annoying. It’s because the girl thinks that this guy desperately wants to meet her. Desperation and neediness are always the signs of a low level of attractiveness. In the initial phase, you have to text more than her, but don’t text too much, and don’t be impatient when she doesn’t text back immediately.


Don't be pushy

Maybe she likes you, but it’s a complete turn-off if you are impatiently want to schedule the date with her. Being pushy is a sign of desperation and a lack of social intelligence. As a man, you have to lead the conversation ultimately to date, but you also need to go at the girl’s pace.


Don't be needy

Neediness is probably the most evident sign that someone has low status. Neediness literally means you lack something; therefore, you are powerless and have a low status. Women don’t like to be with such guys.


Reveal your imperfections

Telling her about your flaws generates trust and paradoxically increases your status. It’s because only a genuinely confident and mentally strong man can depict himself as an imperfect and fallible guy because he thinks he is good enough not to need the other’s approval.


Don't hide your intentions

Women know you text them because you want to pick them up and eventually sleep with them. You shouldn’t hide your desires that you want to get them. You only need to communicate your intentions with confidence and without being too emotional.


Don't show negative emotions

Girls freak out when someone throws a tantrum mid-conversation. It’s a huge turn-off when they experience anger, frustration, desperation, jealousy, or impatience during messaging with a guy.

Create a fun vibe

Creating a great atmosphere in the conversation is essential to picking up a girl over text. You don’t need to be super funny; the goal is to have a great time together.


Tease her to make the conversation interesting

Teasing is a fun power game between you and her. When you tease a girl, you make fun of her imperfections, and you portray her like a kid or someone who isn’t too savvy in most things. But there’s an important distinction between teasing and insulting:


Making fun of her + letting her know you like her = teasing

Making fun of her = (can be) insulting


So, teasing is not the same as insulting. While both have derogatory and humorous elements, there is a big difference: your intentions.

If you tease someone, but you don’t build into your metacommunication that you like and care for her, it can easily come off as an insult. I always use teasing messages wrapped into compliments:

It’s an excellent sign if she not only laughs but teases you back. 


Flirt with her to create attraction

Why sending flirty messages is a great way to build a deep and intimate connection with a girl? It’s because women desire to be desired by men. 

Women find guys physically and personally more appealing who flirt with them, and they are turned on by men who make sexual advances on them.

Other than that, women are flirting addicts for the simple reason that it’s fun, and they can vibe with guys on a more emotional level. Flirting adds a fun sexual component to the discussions and sparks excitement out of girls you text.

Show your values

Creating a fun vibe and a flirty atmosphere can make it a lot easier to meet the girl in person. However, over the years, I realized that only being funny isn’t enough to make hot women attracted to me and pick them up over text. I have to show my intelligent, confident, successful side too.

If you are still wondering how to pick up a girl over text, then here’s the short answer: 

You have to engage her in a great conversation where you must also show your values that are associated with high status.

More often than not, women need more than physical attractiveness when dating: they want to experience high social status in a guy. There are loads of high-status signs that make someone attractive; here are the most important ones:



This is the number one most powerful character a man can have. Acting like (and being) a confident guy makes you more attractive in an instant. Try to use statements instead of questions, assume that she is already into you, and pretend as if she tries to make advances on you in a playful manner. These steps will instantly increase your level of confidence.


Be the one who is in charge of making decisions. Gals love chaps who have their internal control and power because they feel safe near them. When you plan the first date, offer her plans and activities instead of asking where to go and what to do.


Women love being near positive things and people, and they are not interested in texting someone who lowers their energy levels. However, girls don't want to see a perfect guy with no problems. They want a man who fights back life's issues with an optimistic attitude.


Intelligence is a rare asset these days, so make sure to bring up topics where you can reveal your thoughtful side. I often talk about astronomy, the meaning of life, and psychology with girls, making dating so much easier.

Be masculine

Being masculine is the other characteristic that sets you apart from the average chumps. Masculinity means you are powerful. On the one hand, no one can make decisions that have a negative impact on your life; no one can take control from you.! On the other hand, you have the will and ability to go after all the things – including women – you want in life, and no one can stop you. Women love this mentality, so here are a few tips to be more masculine while you pick up a girl with text messages:


Be bold

Being bold can pay off if the girl is very receptive to teasing and likes to talk about intimate topics. Girls are often into dominant and very confident guys, so you can go bold-mode when she opens up a little. 

If she is ready for it, share with her your thoughts, even if they are sexual and intimate, but leave room for uncertainty and excitement because they will convert into sexual desire sooner or later.

Be laidback to signal that you have an abundance of women

Paradoxically, the less effort you put into convincing a girl to like you, the more appealing you will look. If you genuinely like yourself and don’t give a damn about others’ opinions, you become a natural, powerful, therefore attractive man. 

That’s why bad boys are so attractive to many girls. They like who they are and don’t want to impress anyone. 


Be a challenge to make her want you more

Although it is your job to take the initiative, you need to make her invest in the relationship by maintaining her interest and uncertainty.

Once you’ve created the fun, random, playful vibe for the conversation, it’s time to get her to invest more in the relationship. Women love to desire someone on an emotional level, but they must first deserve it. 


If you look too attracted to the girl, it displays desperation and neediness, which means for her that you have no other dating options besides her. No woman likes these guys.


Also, if you show too much interest too early, she’ll conclude that only her looks made you become attracted to her. Women love when men appreciate their looks, but they don’t want only their looks to be the subject of men’s desires.

It follows from all this that before you can show your desires to the girl, she must deserve it. You have to create playful challenges for her, and you should get her to qualify herself for you. What you find harder to get, you think is more valuable.


Disappear occasionally

When things are going well, and you know that you can’t meet you in the foreseeable future (or the other way around), you can disappear for several hours or even a day. Now, she thinks,

“Why isn’t he answering? Why hasn’t he texted me all day? I wonder what he’s doing that he’s not talking to me. Did I say something wrong last time we talked? Does he not like me anymore? Is he still into me? Does he still want to hang out this weekend?” 


As you can see, ghosting her can make her think about you a lot more than before. It forces her to think of you as a guy who has more interesting things going on in his life than to text her all day.

Girls like guys who are busy because this is a sign of high-achievers. Guys who aren’t always available are inherently more attractive to girls.


If you disappear for a while, it piques her curiosity, which makes you mysterious, and way more attractive after all. It shows her that you’re abundant; you may have many other dating options besides her because you don’t act needy.


Build up an intimate connection

After you showed her your funny and playful side, your values, and your masculine personality, it’s time to get closer to her on an emotional level.


Engage her on multiple levels

Use social media and your phone to make you look more familiar and trustworthy. You can engage her in several ways: with messages, voice messages, photos, comments, video chat, phone calls, and stories. You should use different channels to build up trust.


Generate trust in her

A girl needs to feel safe with you before she invests in a relationship or goes out with you on a date. If there’s no rapport, there won’t be a passionate affair. A girl can only feel a persistent longing for a guy when she feels safe and secure with him.

Compliment her the right way

Non-physical and generally personal compliments work much better than physical ones when you pick up women over text.

Personal compliments are unique than the ones about her looks. With non-physical compliments, you can avoid awkward situations where girls think you want to hook up with them.


Somewhat attractive girls don’t like such statements as “you have a gorgeous face” or “hot body.” 


The right way to compliment a girl is to find something special in her and write it down in a non-needy, casual way.

“It’s hard to find someone who is very silly and intelligent at the same time … you are doing it pretty well.”

“You really have a very complex personality … I love it.”

“We would have the sexiest kids in the world 😎

“Surely, we are the sexiest people in the whole country.”

“I told you it’s unfair to distract me with your photos.”

Ask her out

Believe it or not, I’ve gone through these steps hundreds or thousands of times, and I have a pretty impressive success rate.

There remains one challenge: asking her out on a date.

If you know when to ask her out, what day to plan the date, and how long the meeting should be, you are good to go.


When to ask her out?

Women are most likely to go out with you on a date when they feel strong, positive emotions associated with you.

When she sends you many laughing emojis, tells stories, likes your photos, asks a lot about you, makes compliments on you, or even calls you, then this is the exact moment you should ask her to go out with you.


If you did everything right until this point, you don’t need tricky tactics to get her to meet you. Just text her this:


Plan the date 1 or 2 days in advance

In general, most girls follow an emotional train of thought instead of being logical regarding going out on a date with guys. You are making them more likely to flake on you the day of your scheduled date if it’s planned too far in advance.


The long period between the invitation and the actual date allows them to overthink whether or not they want to hang out with you or if you’re even worth hanging out with. She may want to meet you on Monday when you’re talking to her, but she is in a completely different emotional state by the time Saturday rolls around.


Before you ask her to hang out with you, find out her schedule for the week, and for example, if she is free on Saturday, ask her out on Tuesday or Friday. It will dramatically increase the chances that she will actually show up on the date.


Send follow up messages after you ask her out

A huge mistake I see guys making repeatedly is that they stop advancing after the girl agrees to meet them. Keep in mind the following:

“Because attraction is always decreasing, you have to keep up the good vibe with her after you successfully asked her out.”


The longer the date, the better

It’s not uncommon for me to have 4-5 hour-long dates with girls. The more time you spend with your dating partner, the more comfort, trust, and familiarity you can set in the relationship.


I usually pick two venues or activities. Maybe it’s ice-cream eating and going to a spot where we have a nice view of the city. Maybe it’s drinking in a bar and eating somewhere else. 

Be very laidback and confident; talk about your goals and thoughts or topics you discussed earlier online, but this time in more detail. Remember, the goal isn’t to sleep with her or kiss her. The goal is to maximize her level of attraction by keeping up the fun vibe, teasing her, talking about your life, being vulnerable, and getting closer to her emotionally and physically—step by step.