How to text a girl on Instagram – from first text to date


Written by Ryan Cross

Instagram is the perfect platform to text, meet, and form a deep connection with girls. As with a lot of things in life, Instagram is a game of probability. You want to maximize your chances with any girl you want to date. The more high-value your Instagram profile and the more effective you are in the DM section, the more girls you can develop an intimate relationship with.

In this Instagram texting guide

  • we will take a look at all the ways you can start a conversation with a girl,

  • I’ll show you the key elements of a successful Instagram conversation,

  • we will talk about how and when to ask a girl out on Instagram,

  • and finally, you’ll have a glance into the most effective ways to get the most out of your Instagram profile.

How to text a girl on Instagram?

The best way to text a girl on Instagram is to reply with a witty and unexpected message to her Instagram Stories. After the first message, build her attraction by being confident, but at the same time, also funny and vulnerable. A well-managed profile makes texting a lot easier.

Whether you approached her at the mall or matched her on Tinder, you can increase your chances if you continue texting her on Instagram. In both scenarios, getting the Instagram is the better option because – as opposed to Tinder – she can glance into your life and personality.

It’s likely that in a short in-person interaction or a few messages back and forth on a dating app, you weren’t able to convey enough of your value or personality. This usually leads to the girl flaking and losing interest since she doesn’t have a strong emotional investment in you.

With a well-managed Instagram profile and some solid texting skills, dating with hot girls can be a piece of cake.

How to text a girl on Instagram for the first time?


Instagram is different in a lot of aspects than dating apps. On Instagram, there is no social contract like on Tinder. When you match someone on an online dating app, it is expected to send messages to each other, flirt, and make moves on a girl.

However, on Instagram, a girl normally doesn’t expect you to step into her life. It’s like knocking on her door though she didn’t invite you.

So, we have to start a conversation a little differently as we do on online dating applications.


4 ways to make the first contact on Instagram


Reply to her Insta Story

I’ve tried all sorts of techniques on Instagram, and by far, replying to Instagram Stories works best.

Responding to one of her Insta Stories looks spontaneous, and if you have a great line, you won’t look needy and try-hard. This is perhaps the easiest and most natural way of building an emotional connection with someone. If you reply to her story and comment about something she’s doing, it comes off as a lot more laid back.

I’ve also noticed that the more you reply to a girl’s story on Instagram, the more likely she’ll be to respond to your story as well, and it’ll help establish mutual interest in the relationship you guys are developing.


What to avoid when you reply to her Instagram Story?

  • Don’t send emojis
  • Don’t send obvious compliments
  • Don’t be boring
  • Don’t be too sexual

You can write countless good lines to stories; the point is that you can’t be boring, predictable, and needy. Instead, you must be smart, exciting, confident, and playful. So, what to write about girls’ stories on Instagram?


Write something deep

Outstanding first impressions can be made by a smart and thought-provoking first message. Deeper and thoughtful texts work best when she uploads a quote, lyrics, or an interesting question as a story. 

Here is an example from my conversation:

This was my answer:

Write something funny and surprising

It takes a little practice, and you should use your emotional intelligence, but there are infinite ways to be funny and surprising at the same time:

For example, a girl I followed a while posted a story in which she made a lipsync for a male rapper voice, so I replied this:

Write something interesting

Your goal shouldn’t be only to appear clever when you react to a girl’s story with something interesting. Also, you may want to share with her something funny or personal she can connect with.

So, for example, I had a girl who posted an urchin, a spiky little thing in the oceans, on which I replied this:

Write something very confident

Confidence is a huge turn-on for women, but since guys pretend to be confident all the time, it can also be quite risky. That’s why confident first messages come off as genuine if they are funny at the same time. 

I like to use a technique called Role Reversal, where I act as if she would try to make moves on me. 


“Already dressed up for our date? I guess I change my sweatpants.”


I often add a line, “Just kidding! you look great in this dress,” to not come off as rude or too blunt.

Don’t reply to every single story of girls because it’s creepy. Remember: A lack of an answer is a form of an answer.

Don’t give up after she didn’t answer your message. Wait a few days and try a slightly different tactic to break the ice and start a real conversation. If you haven’t succeeded after 2-3 attempts, you better move to the next girl.

Slide into DM’s if you have her Insta ID

We have to clarify two cases when you got her Insta ID. The first case is when she gave it to you. In this situation, you just continue texting her as you did in-person or the other app. Now, the first case is self-explanatory, but the second one is a bit more complicated. 

The second case is when you haven’t talked to her; she put her Insta ID in her dating profile, for example. The good news is that she is probably single and open to date guys. The bad news is that even a great opening line doesn’t work as well as in dating apps. It’s because, after all, we don’t look at Instagram as a dating app, and if you text something like this:


“Your prince just arrived”

, then it can be a little awkward and weird… Okay, this line is quite awkward on Tinder too.


So I’ve got a non-needy, non-cheesy, and definitely not pushy opening line:

“Hey, unfamiliar but possibly cute girl, I like your style!”

This message is very basic, but it has some humor because, on a deeper level, I acknowledge in a non-needy way that I don’t know her, but I would love to. And at the same time, I compliment her, but I don’t seem pushy.

Slide into DM’s if you know her from somewhere

If you know a girl from class, a party, or she is in your social circle, and you follow each other for a while, then you can just send a direct message to her.

Your content goes here. Edit or remove this text inline or in the module Content settings. You can also style every aspect of this content in the module Design settings and even apply custom CSS to this text in the module Advanced settings.

Reply to one of her photos in DM if she doesn’t post stories

This technique works on everyone. You only need to send the girl’s own photo to her in DM and say something about it. This method of initiating a conversation is way better than being like everyone else and commenting on her photos. 

You can say something about the image, make it a meme, put emojis on it, or you can refer to an inside joke. Be funny, lighthearted, creative etc.

Get her to text you first

Most girls don’t text a guy first, even if he is the love of their lives. Ever.

However, some girls like initiating conversations, or at least signaling to the guy that she wants to talk by liking a bunch of his photos.

Either way, if you want girls to text you first, your Instagram profile needs to be outstanding. You are in a great starting position if you are good-looking and/or have excellent photo and editing skills.

If you’re neither crazy good-looking nor an expert in photo shooting, you can, and you should still improve your photos over time because it will make your texting way easier with girls.

There is a correlation between texting skills and your Instagram profile’s quality:

The better your Instagram profile, the less texting skills are required to get girls to go out with you.

However, if you want to level up your texting and dating skills, you should definitely check out the 10X Dating Pack that includes these dating guides:

You only need to trigger 5 emotions in girls to get them attracted to you. In this manual, I’ll show you exactly what to text women with almost 100 examples.

Never worry about first (and second) dates again! Choose unique date ideas from the 20 cards included and take the girls to super fun, inexpensive and authentic date programs.

Identify the most common mistakes 99% of men commit during online dating. If you do nothing else but avoid the 13 Deadly Sins when texting, you will 2x your success-rate.

Girls tell me all the time that my opener is the best they’ve ever read. I mean, seriously… Learn the psychology behind highly effective first messages.

Attractive mindset is the single most important skill you have to have in order to attract… well, whoever you want. Know how to act, think and behave in every situation with girls.

It took me 3 years to finish these manuals, and I can confidently say that the 10X Dating Pack can provide you all the knowledge you need to know about online dating and attracting girls you like.

Check it out here by clicking the button below:

How to text girls on Instagram after the first message?

Okay, so you’ve managed to start a conversation with her. What’s next? Obviously, your goal should be to navigate the interaction toward a face-to-face meeting.

Girls are attracted to guys differently than we are attracted to women. In their heads, the attractiveness of a man is determined not only by his appearance but his behavior and social status too. So your attractiveness may fall or rise within a few seconds. During the conversation, your attractiveness (the girl’s level of attraction) is never constant. It’s always changing.


So, for a successful Instagram conversation, you have to keep her level of attraction high enough to get to a point where she wants to meet you in person.

You can achieve this with these tactics below.


Show your personality

The more exciting and interesting things you share with her from your life, the more she can connect you on an emotional level. I often talk about books I read, places I go, plans I make, friends I meet, and stuff I buy.

When I start my conversations with girls, I don’t know what we’re going to talk about beforehand. Every girl is different, and you don’t know what can increase her level of interest. So I kind of test the waters by bringing up all sorts of serious and funny stories and see what happens.


Don’t rush

As opposed to Tinder, on Instagram, you don’t need to ask her out as soon as you can. Sure, if you find her receptive, then go ahead, ask her to go on a date with you. But in general, women need more familiarity and trust on Instagram to become motivated enough to go out with you.


Tease her

Teasing means making fun of the girl’s imperfections, style, personality. There are several ways to tease girls. For example, you take an ordinary thing about her and give it a completely different misinterpretation:

You can build up a playful vibe with her where you basically set this frame: “You are imperfect, but I still like you.” You want to establish this vibe with her because playful back-and-forth teasing is the foundation for establishing a sexual vibe with her later.

You also want to make her feel like you are somebody who’s fun to hang out with and who can make her laugh throughout the day.

Engage her

Instagram is the best system to create consistent and powerful engagement with women. You can engage her in several ways: with messages, photos, comments, video chat, and stories. You want to use different channels to build up attraction because this is the most effective way.


Make her trust you

A girl needs to feel safe with you before she invests in a relationship or goes out with you on a date. If there’s no comfort, there won’t be a romantic interest. Therefore sooner or later, her attraction will disappear. A girl can only feel constant desire for a guy when she feels safe and secure with him.

Show your vulnerable side. Many guys are doing great when it comes to displaying confidence and success. But women need to feel that you’re a human being who makes mistakes, has imperfections, and can admit them.


Ask her out at the right time

After you built up attraction with DM texts and your appealing Instagram profile, it’s time to ask her out. The key is dominance and decisiveness. 

When you’re on track and get the vibe with her, wait for an emotional high and ask her out. A girl is at her emotional high when she sends a lot of emojis, texts a lot, asks many questions, and overall is interested in you.

The most important thing to keep in mind is that you want to invite her to do something fun. Many girls will only go out with you if the two hours she is spending with you is more fun than if she would have done something else instead.

She needs to be confident that the time will be better spent with you than her other options.

Shoot her a message like this one:


“What’s you schedule for tomorrow evening? If you’re free, you can have a drink at XY bar with a ridiculously funny and handsome guy (Me).”


If you built up her attraction and she trusts you, you have very high chances that she will agree to a date with you.

Optimize your profile

The best thing about Instagram is that if you have a dope profile, you don’t need to text all day, every day with girls. Your profile does the job for you.

Girls are more receptive to your messages and more eager to go out with you on a date if you have an appealing Instagram profile. Again, you can be the funniest guy on the planet; if you have five shitty photos on your profile, there are very low chances that she’ll date you.

“The more attractive your Instagram profile, the less work you have to put into the conversations.”

That’s why Instagram is very effective when it comes to dating. You have all control of your Instagram profile to create an appealing life story that will get you many dates. Your Instagram profile’s goal is to maximize your attraction. These are the most significant benefits of a well-designed Instagram profile:

  • Whenever you post a story or a photo, you’ll pop up on her phone, and she’ll immediately be forced to think about you. After a while, these interactions will lead her to a feeling where she thinks you are more familiar to her, so you’ll seem less threatening and more trustworthy.

  • You have full control over what she sees about you.

  • You can reignite the flame once the conversation is over.

  • Your IG profile can work for you even if you do nothing.

  • You need less time building her attraction because once you upload a neat photo, you can increase the level of interest in multiple women at the same time.

Here are the basic yet practical photo tips for Instagram:

Photo tip #1: Emotions:

Women first look for emotions on men’s faces when they scroll through their profiles. Girls can get a lot of information from emotions or the lack of them: 

  • Are you a reliable guy or a stalker who watches girls with binocular while they are showering?
  • Are you intelligent or dumb?
  • Are you carefree or just faking a smile like Hide the Pain Harold?

Did you know that a sincere smile makes you look at least twice as reliable?

Photo tip #2: Adventures:

Not only is it worth uploading pictures of your trips and journeys because the mojito looks cool in your hand, but also for the simple reason that men display high status who travel a lot.

Photo tip #3: Appearance:

A single scoop neck t-shirt and a pair of jeans can do wonders. See how the guys are dressed who are popular among hot girls.


Write an outstanding bio on Instagram

You use your bio to bring out curiosity from women. You want to appear a high-value guy, so every social proof you can gather will boost your attractiveness.

Showcase your cool job, your unusual yet attractive hobby, your countries you visited so far, your goals, and all the stuff that can raise your status.

You want her to think you are desired, but leave her wondering about who you really are.