How to Text a Girl You Don’t Know – easier than you’d think

Written by Ryan Cross

If you are unsure how to text a girl you don’t know, then this blog post will navigate you through the steps like how to maximize your chances before you text her, how to phrase your first message, how to make her motivated to meet you, and how to ask her out.

Of course, you won’t be able to date every unknown, random girl you find on Instagram, Facebook, etc., but you can elevate your success rate if you became a little bit strategic about it.


So, how should you text a girl you don’t know?

  1. Have an excellent profile before the first contact
  2. Have solid texting skills
  3. Plan your first message
  4. Understand the purpose of texting
  5. Bring out positive emotions from her
  6. Ask her out when you established a great vibe


So, let’s dive into the process of texting a girl you don’t know.


How to text a girl you don’t know

Before you consider to text a girl you don’t know, think about some aspects women are generally interested in guys who text them. The biggest challenge to texting a girl you have never talked and met before is that you don’t know anything about her, and she doesn’t know who you are and what your intentions are.

That’s why there are some critical elements you should check beforehand.


Have an excellent profile before the first contact

You should achieve two goals with your social media profile and photos: to appear unthreatening and generate some interest.

Professional quality images, group photos, and a genuine smile do wonders when it comes to display trustworthiness. 

A great physique, a handsome face, cool hobbies, great style, and traveling photos can easily trigger interest or even attraction in girls before you text them.

I had a female friend who I used to hook up occasionally. She showed me a guy who started to follow her on Instagram. She told me she wanted him to text her badly because he has excellent photos. As I recall, he wasn’t very handsome, but he was in good shape and had awesome images.


So don’t underestimate the power of quality photos before you text a girl you don’t know.



Have solid texting skills

Here, I show you a few crucial but simple texting skills to avoid ghosting after your first few messages as much as possible.

The rule of thumb when you text a girl online is to avoid writing anything that evokes negative feelings in her, like boredom, annoyance, frustration, anger, or fear, but also to appear like a high-status, attractive guy.

So, here are some dos and don’ts: 


Don’t be boring

Asking too many generic questions makes women annoyed quickly. Sadly, this is what almost every guy does. You can ask otherwise boring questions in a playful, more interesting way. Instead of, “Hey what’s up?” you could text, “Hey, what are you doing…besides writing love letters to me?”


Don’t try to impress her

Attempting to compose something you assume will impress her usually has the opposite effect. Instead of bragging, try to connect her on an emotional level:

  • Talk about things both of you love.
  • Make her laugh by telling funny stories.
  • Pick a deep topic and discuss it with her.


Use emojis 🤪

Unlike real life, it’s not always easy to interpret your texts in the right way if you don’t use emojis. There is nothing worse than sending her a funny joke that she considers rude or offensive. However, do not overuse emoticons. If you are constantly smiling and laughing at your jokes, it’ll look like you’re trying too hard to please her.


Don’t double text her

Never be impatient when she doesn’t reply to your messages because sending multiple texts in a row is the ultimate turn-off for girls. If she doesn’t text you back, wait several hours and text back something funny.

Have a positive vibe

From the start, be flirtatious, random, and engaging. Hot girls receive bland and generic texts from guys all day, every day, so you must stand out from the crowd. Make her curious about you, and it will pay off sooner or later. Maintain a positive and playful tone while displaying different aspects of your personality. Tease her, make jokes, and be random, all while being direct, dominant, and genuine, and I guarantee you will be successful. Keep surprising her with interesting topics and games so she can never predict what you’ll do next.


Hobbies, jobs, and passions

Texting about exciting activities, work, and passions will not only let her connect with you on a deeper level but also can satisfy her inner evolutionary desires. Namely, to step into a more exciting life than hers. 

When choosing a partner for a long-term relationship or even a guy she likes to hang out with, women want to be with someone whose life is more fulfilling than the current life they have. You don’t have to be a rockstar or an astronaut (although it may help), but you should constantly communicate that you have big goals, you are busy, and you’re passionate about a lot of things because that’s what high-status guys do.


Plan your first message

The first successful message is the biggest obstacle between you and the stranger girl you plan to text. 


Let’s be honest. 


There is a high chance that she has a boyfriend, is engaged or married, is in love with someone, is not interested in dating, or you are not her type. The other difficulty is other men. A somewhat attractive girl receives hundreds or thousands of messages a year from random guys. That’s why your first message has to be on the point.

Here are the key elements of a successful first message when you text a girl you don’t know:


Follow her and let her follow you

If you have a great profile with many appealing photos, you can develop trust with her just by letting her follow you and get to know you a little bit better by posting new photos and stories. If she follows you back, sends a reaction to one of your threads, or likes your photos, it’s time to send her your first message.

Respond to one of her stories or send her a DM with a photo she posted on social, and make a funny or interesting reaction to it. It’s perhaps the easiest and most natural way of building an emotional connection with someone. If you reply to something she’s doing, it comes off as a lot more laid back.


Find a legit excuse to text her

Sometimes you only have her number somehow, or you saw her on social media, but you aren’t friends. In this case, texting a stranger something like “how are you” is out of the social norms. In this situation, if you don’t explain why you texted her, chances are she will think you are either very desperate or a creep.

Don’t try to come up with fake excuses because she already knows that you like her. Instead, express your interest in a non-needy, lighthearted way:

There is also a clever tactic, namely to make her curious about what you think about her:

Try to find out what is the most appealing thing in her. If she asks what is it, don’t be generic, and say “you have stunning eyes” because it’s very boring. Think about something like “I like that your clothes always match with the tone of your photos. Is it unintentional, or are you a photo wizard?”


Understand the purpose of texting

Many guys wrongly think that texting is about making the girl think about them. They believe that it’s enough to keep the conversation going, so there will be a magical moment when somehow she ends up at their place, or goes out with them.

Guys constantly send boring messages like “hey, what’s up” and “How are you” that don’t incentivize women to text back. Do you think these lines work? Maybe, if you are exceptionally good-looking and/or very popular.


In reality, the purpose of texting is to make women motivated enough to go out with you on a date.


Bring out positive emotions from her

Women feel motivated to date you if they think they will benefit from it. You have to convince a girl that it’s a better choice to hang out with you than to meet her friends or watch her favorite Netflix series. 

You can motivate a girl to meet you by eliciting emotions that make her feel good and excited when texting you.

Confidence for emotional security

Confidence is the number one most impressive quality a man can have. Being a self-confident man makes you more appealing to women because only confident men can effectively face the challenges in their lives and provide physical and emotional security to women. There are dozens of ways you can signal confidence with text messages:

Use statements rather than questions when you can because it makes you appear like a guy who always has a strong opinion on things. For example, don't ask about her favorite dating venue, instead state that "I've got a feeling that you are the kind of girl who can get quickly bored in fancy restaurants, and likes to go on more exciting, active dates." Even if you are totally wrong, you signal to her that you have clear reasoning and a strong opinion about things that make you confident.

Entertainment for joy

Using humor can make a girl think about you all the time. However, good feelings are about more than just laughter. She can have a good time during a conversation if you play a game with her, dive into exciting topics, or ask her interesting questions.

Ask her out when you established a great vibe

If you know how to text a girl you don’t know, you can ask her out with relative ease. 

If a girl genuinely enjoys your company and you have a great vibe during conversations, you don’t really need tricks to convince her to meet you. The only important thing is to ask her out in a confident manner.

Plan the date

Most girls follow an emotional train of thought rather than being logical when it comes to guys. If you schedule your date too far in advance, they are more likely to cancel on you on the day of the meeting.

The long time between the invitation and the actual date gives them time to consider whether they want to hang out with you or if you’re even worth hanging out with.

Find out her weekly schedule before asking her out. For example, if she is free on Saturday, ask her out on Tuesday or Friday. It will significantly increase the likelihood of showing up on the date.


Send follow up messages after you ask her out

You should maintain a positive vibe between you and her until the date comes because attraction is consistently decreasing if you don’t add value to the conversation (pleasure and excitement). Keep doing the things that made her accept your invitation in the first place after you asked her out. If you keep her interested, she will most likely not cancel the meeting with you, and you will be able to get closer to her eventually.