How to Text Your Girlfriend – 9 essential tips to make her happy

Written by Ryan Cross

Maybe you wonder how to text your girlfriend to keep her and develop a deeper bond between you after you get together. Well, in this article, I will reveal the most effective ways to make your relationship more stable and fun with your girlfriend, even when you don’t talk to her in person.

You will also be able to identify the most common texting pitfalls many guys fall into in their long-term relationships, which usually decreases their level of attractiveness.


So, how should you text your girlfriend?

The best way to text your girlfriend is to talk about your thoughts and feelings to connect her emotionally. Be very descriptive; share your deeper feelings and thoughts about the topic you talk about. Additionally, to engage her in great conversations, elicit strong emotions like joy, excitement, amusement, or uncertainty.


How to text your girlfriend?


I’ve seen many guys who become official with their girlfriends and suddenly started acting needy. These men think that all the work is done after getting a girlfriend and stop being decisive and confident. They can start playing video games instead of taking their girlfriends on exciting dates, and they quickly become emotional, jealous, and childish.

The fact is that after you guys become boyfriend and girlfriend, you (and your girlfriend) have to put in the same amount of work to build the existing relationship. And quite frankly, nowadays, texting is a huge part of “quality time” with your girlfriend.


This is why I’ll show you how to text your girlfriend to make your relationship better with her.


Text confidently

No matter how strong her personality is, your girlfriend wants you to be the leader in the relationship. She wanted to be in a relationship with you in the first place because you acted like a high-status, attractive guy.

Stay confident when you text your girlfriend because this personality trait guarantees a higher status in the relationship. Women can no longer be attracted to guys who show low-status behavior like neediness, jealousy, and timidness.

You want to be confident that you benefit her life because you will start to display extremely unattractive traits and behaviors when you don’t feel that way.

That’s why men become controlling over their girlfriends and begin to act needy. Because needy guys don’t feel like they benefit her life, they constantly seek the girl’s validation to make sure they are still desired.

The best way to avoid neediness is to believe you benefit your girlfriend and her life the same way you think she makes your life better. If you don’t think you guys benefit each other, why would you be together in the first place?

The easiest way to show your confident self to your girlfriend over text is to use dominant messages.


Creating statements from questions puts you in a power position and places your girlfriend in a situation where she is the one seeking authority. 

For example, instead of texting something like “Do you want to meet?” you can say, “Let’s meet at X place tonight.” or “We should hang out at X place tonight.” 


Provide value

Texting isn’t just about scheduling appointments with your girlfriend. Texting with your girlfriend is a great medium to increase her attraction and deepen her feelings about you.

Every girl – including your girlfriend – needs to experience your values to be sure that you still love her, she can still trust you, and most importantly, you are still the attractive guy she wants to be with.

In case you can meet her every day, great texting skills are ‘nice to have,’ but the less quality time you can spend with her, the more vital these skills become.


Share with her

  • Your day and how you felt about it to let her connect you on an emotional level
  • Your struggles and the solutions to them to assure her that you are still a high-status guy who constantly works on his goals
  • Your plans with her to strengthen the bond between you.

Even though you are a couple now, you must build the relationship relentlessly. The “attraction-builder” message generates positive emotions in your girlfriend and makes her attracted to you even more.

These messages include:

  • teasing her
  • being confident and funny
  • generating strong emotions in her
  • asking her interesting questions


Ask her interesting questions

If you want to engage your girlfriend in a great conversation, ask her as many open-ended questions as possible. Interesting open-ended questions are an excellent way to get to know her better and understand her way of thinking and values. 

It’s hard for your girlfriend to ignore such exciting and thought-provoking questions; moreover, she will probably ask you the same kind of questions in return. This process will allow the two of you to open up to each other and strengthen the emotional bond.


Here are a few ones I often use with my current girlfriend or other girls when I’m single and want to establish trust and comfort with them:

  • What did you think about me when you first saw me?
  • What was the one thing you thought I wouldn’t like in you?
  • Which date was your favorite one with me?
  • What would be the perfect date for you?
  • If you’d give a speech on our future wedding, what would be the funniest thing about me you’d tell the others?


Or you can ask other interesting questions that aren’t related to you, but you can get to know her better. For example:

  • Who was your favorite elementary school teacher?
  • What was your funniest memory from your childhood?
  • Who was your first love?
  • What would you work if money wasn’t important?
  • Have you done anything you could be arrested for?



Be emotional support

Your girlfriend wants to be with you because you are the one who can provide her with physical and emotional security. Even the strongest, most independent women need someone who can protect them and support them when they have difficulties in their lives. Try to understand her struggles, ask her what she thinks she should do, and offer your help if it is needed.

When you text your girlfriend, you must recognize that sometimes your girlfriend doesn’t want you to solve her problems. She only needs to talk about the issue, but she has already made the decision.


Know her real needs


Girls are generally very good at identifying the intentions behind words and actions. They usually know why you do the things you do and why you say the things you say. That’s why your girlfriend is expecting you the same.

Women often resort to subtle communication tactics because they test whether you take the dominant, leading role to make decisions and whether you still care about her and try to understand her needs. 

Here are a few examples with translations to Girl Language:


Girlfriend: Aren’t you hungry?

Meaning: I’m starving, but I don’t want to say it overtly. I want you to read my intentions and take me somewhere to eat.


Girlfriend: *sends photo

Girlfriend: Do you like this dress on me?

Meaning: Of course, I know I look hot in this dress, but I want to know that you still want me emotionally and sexually.


Girlfriend: Do you really want to buy that shirt?

Meaning: This shirt looks terrible, but I want you to come to that conclusion.


Some women never use such tactics, but chances are, sometimes even your girlfriend does. Of course, you should never change your mind if you want to buy a shirt, but your girlfriend wants to talk you out of it because it decreases your status and attractiveness. However, it’s crucial to understand your girlfriend’s needs and make decisions based on them.

Pro tip:

When I know my girlfriend wants a specific answer to her question, I always say to exact opposite reaction just for fun. When she asks, “Do you like this dress on me?” I say something like this: “Thank god you asked; this looks awful.” Then I text: “Of course, you look hot in this dress :)).”

Say “no” if needed

Your girlfriend may want to derail you from your goals not because she is evil but because she wants to make sure that you’re still the attractive, dominant guy who she chose to date in the first place. It’s called the compliance test, which is a subtle psychological test to check your status.

I’m not saying you shouldn’t care about your girlfriend’s needs. I’m just saying that altering your decisions based on your girlfriend’s opinion may make her happy in the short term but will definitely lower your status in the long run.

Compliance tests are sneaky tactics to influence you. If you change your decisions, sooner or later, your girlfriend will lose attraction. However, you can easily hurt her feelings if you say “no” because she may feel rejected.

That’s why I use a simple technique, where I say “no,” but at the same time, I assure her that I still love her and care about her:

See? You remained confident and decisive but attentive at the same time as well.

Texting mistakes

Your girlfriend basically wants you to do the same things that eventually led to this relationship. This is also true for texting. Unfortunately, many guys are bought into the idea that all the work is done after they manage to get a girlfriend.

The illusion that now you can completely open up emotionally or don’t have to work to maintain or even strengthen the relationship is the root cause of the texting mistakes, which is one of the invisible destructors of relationships.


Here are the main texting mistakes you have to avoid at all costs.


You write short messages and text infrequently.


Even though you guys know everything about each other, that doesn’t mean you can’t and shouldn’t share funny, exciting, and surprising moments that happen to you throughout the day. Ideally, your girlfriend is more than happy to read even the most insignificant thing about you. Not because of the message itself, but because she knows that she is on your mind.


Don’t text her all day every day, but write something occasionally about what you’re doing or what your plans are.

Pro tip:

Don’t be too factual. Your girlfriend wants to know the reasons behind your actions, so share your thoughts and emotions with her.

You are too overbearing

Sometimes, when a guy is dating a girl, and then once they become boyfriend and girlfriend, he’ll take that as a sign to go supplication mode.

He’ll become very needy, hit her up all the time, and become overbearing because he now feels comfortable enough to show his insecurity.


You want to avoid this at all costs because this will make girls run away from you.


Think about it from the girl’s perspective. You’re dating someone, and everything’s fine, so you go ahead and start dating your partner officially.

And as soon as that happens, she starts acting differently, not just totally different, but in a noticeable worse and less desirable way.


Of course, if you are a girl in this situation, you will see him less desirable and stop dating him eventually.


The whole point is to be with someone you are genuinely harmonious with, not someone your fake self is compatible with.


You appear insecure

Women are attracted to guys who don’t give a damn about their thoughts and feelings about them. Independent and emotionally mature guys don’t rely on their girlfriends’ thoughts and emotions; these men do what they want regardless of girls’ opinions.


“Do you feel anything about me?”


Why is it a bad idea to ask your girlfriend about her feelings? 


If you hunt for feedbacks, she will notice that you place her in a position of authority. In other words, you put her in a place where she has power over you. Since women can only be attracted to more powerful guys than they are, your girlfriend’s attraction may slowly disappear. This kind of insecure behavior isn’t attractive at all. With this, you show your girlfriend that she cannot rely on you because she can influence you through your emotions.


To sum up this article:

  • Text confidently because your girlfriend wants a decisive, dominant boyfriend who always knows what to do and what to say in every situation.
  • Share your day, your short-term plans, and even your struggles with her in a positive, constructive manner.
  • Be her emotional support. Sometimes it’s enough to just listen to your girlfriend and help her come to conclusions than solve her problems.
  • Read between the lines. Often, girls communicate in a subtle way when they need something from you. They want you to find out what they want to feel that you care about them.
  • Friends, family, goals, and ambitions are important. Don’t sacrifice them for the sake of your girlfriend’s needs. Sometimes, women want you to say “no” to them (in a polite way) because that’s what high-achiever, successful guys have to do.

Related Questions


How do you make your girlfriend happy over text?

To make your girlfriend happy over text, you must text confidently to display that you are good enough to be her boyfriend and provide emotional security. Share with her your true feelings and thoughts about her without being overly emotional.


What to talk about with your girlfriend?

With your girlfriend, you can talk about your plans and goals for the near future, your weekly schedule, movies, series, books, music, your job, funny accidents that happened to you, your travel plans, childhood experiences, your first date. Also, you can ask for opinions, discuss your next date, and talk about other people.


How do I keep a conversation going with my girlfriend?

To keep the conversation going with your girlfriend, ask her open-ended questions. When you text her, be very descriptive and share your deeper feelings and thoughts about the topic you talk about. Additionally, to engage her in a great conversation, elicit strong emotions like joy, excitement, amusement, or uncertainty.