Not getting laid? There are many reasons behind this phenomenon. In this blog post, I will reveal the most common causes why you can’t get laid with attractive women and also show you shortcuts to get back on track to dating, talking to, and – of course – having great intercourses with women.
The most important causes why not getting laid:
- You have too high standards.
- You have low self-esteem.
- You don’t look good enough.
- You are reluctant to change.
- You don’t understand how women work.
- You are too desperate.
- You are afraid of rejection.
- You don’t escalate.
Eight reasons why you are not getting laid
You have too high standards
I’m the biggest advocate of having high standards. Like all other men on Earth, I want to have the best life, achieve my goals and, for a few days a year, sip pina colada cocktails on the beach all day. I work to make these happen, but I also accept that I can’t have it all by the snap of a finger.
This is the same with girls: if you are not getting laid, you have to adjust your expectations for your current life situation. It doesn’t mean you have to sleep with average women for the rest of your life. It means you can meet hotter and hotter girls as you progress. Work out more, get more confident, have higher status, and become more experienced in the dating field.
So start small: meet and talk to girls who already like you. It will make you overall more comfortable and experienced with women, and it will also make you more confident to approach hotter girls. In the meantime, strive to get more attractive each and every day, and the results will come.
You are afraid of rejection
Years ago, my friend and I used to approach women and ask for phone numbers on the streets of Budapest. There were many times when after several hours, we ended up not coming up to a single girl even though there were plenty of gorgeous ones walking by. We had many excuses like:
“She is in a hurry.”
“She must be arrogant.”
“I don’t like girls who are as tall as me.”
Although, in fact, we just desperately tried to avoid rejection.
Sometimes the fear of rejection comes in a disguise of excuses. “I don’t have enough time for dating”, “She is not my type”, “We’re not in the same league.”
If you aren’t getting laid regularly, ask yourself: “Do I try to meet and sleep with girls enough times?” If yes, then great. If not, you should.
You cannot avoid rejection even if you are smart, have a great sense of style and fashion, or look like Ryan Gosling on steroids. There are many instances when you simply don’t match the women you date, which is nobody’s fault. Dating is a numbers game, so it’s way better to try and fail many times than not try at all.
You have low self-esteem
If you don’t think you’re a good catch, she won’t either. Whatever you’re looking for in life, keep in mind that you’re the prize. Anyone would be fortunate to have you in their life. Don’t waste your time with people who undervalue or ignore you.
It’s not about being afraid of rejection, saying or doing the right things, or putting a girl on a pedestal when you believe you’re the prize. It’s simply a matter of brightening her day and determining whether or not she’s cool.
If she doesn’t meet your standards, you must be able to move to the next girl even if you weren’t getting laid for a while.
High-status guys believe they have the ability to attract almost any girl they want. And if a woman isn’t attracted, it has no effect on him. They proceed to find a woman to whom they will be attracted.
The majority of men have the opposite mentality. They are concerned about meeting her expectations and believe they must “build attraction” or perform to win her heart. Let her worry about whether or not you meet her standards, and keep in mind that you won’t be everyone’s cup of tea. Some women will be attracted to you. Some will not.
The only person you should be comparing yourself to is you. Are you progressing? Are you changing for the better? Are you getting closer to your life goals? Take a look back at your life and see how far you’ve come. I’m sure you’ve accomplished more than you realize.
You don’t look good enough
Everything from your haircut, shoes, jeans, and accessories helps or harms how women judge you and make assumptions about your status and personality.
Your dressing style may not be important to you, but it will impact the initial level of women’s interest. Girls, in particular, believe that clothing is a physical representation of someone’s personality, status, and way of thinking. If you are not getting laid for a while, upgrading your style can help you a lot to overcome this difficulty.
Your style can spoil everything and also open the sea of women in front of you. Do you think you have a good style? Then take pictures of yourself, send them to some of your buddies, and tell them to send those photos to their female friends with the following message:
“Hey, we were discussing this guy’s style, and I need a female opinion about it. How good is his style on a 1-10 scale?”
When it comes to style, it’s more important to wear the right sized clothes than where you buy those clothes. Even the most stylish outfit won’t wit well if you are not wearing the correct size. On the other hand, a white T-shirt and denim jeans are more than perfect for almost everyone.
The best way to make sure you pick the right outfits is to copy male models on Instagram or Pinterest.
My complete guide consists of five ebooks about attractive mindset, over 100 message examples to develop attraction, first and second date ideas, communication skills, most frequent texting mistakes, and many more useful dating skills.
You are reluctant to change
The number one dating advice to guys who are not getting laid is “just be yourself”. I hear it mostly from women. They say that by being yourself, you just have to wait for “the right girl” to step into your life. Until then, if someone rejects you, it is not about you, but she is not meant to be with you.
This paradigm is so burnt into most guys’ minds that they refuse to change anything in their lives to get different results.
They say: If you don’t accept the way I am, we shouldn’t be together.
This is a very dangerous way of thinking because while self-acceptance is crucial for high status and confidence, everyone should listen to the feedback from their environment.
If the majority of woman rejects a guy, this is a clear sign that he has to change a few things about himself. It’s not that everyone else is wrong, and he is the only one right. Attraction has universal rules that affect everyone. It’s like gravity: you can deny its existence, but you cannot avoid its power.
It’s a shame that no one teaches young men how to approach, talk and make moves on women. The “just be yourself” advice makes perfect sense from the feminine standpoint. Most of them experience that they are only become attracted to men who act in a natural, grounded, genuine way. They are repelled to those who behave someone they are not, like being arrogant, overconfident, or too nice.
But it doesn’t mean that attractive guys are attractive because they are just being themselves. It’s more likely that they play the necessary strings to make women become attracted in a natural way – intentionally or unintentionally.
You don’t understand how women work
Another Disneyesque conception is that a real man has to constantly work to win a girl’s heart or to have sex with her. By doing so, he has to court and do stuff to flatter and impress her. Although the truth is that a truly attractive guy doesn’t have to do all these things. The truth is that attractive, grounded guys are getting laid regularly without putting extra effort into dating.
They don’t have to run after a girl they like because they already have many other – at least the same quality girls – in their lives. They are not only physically appealing, but they consciously or unconsciously know how to behave and what to do to attract women.
In my dating manual, the 10x Dating Pack, I share all the secrets I gathered together over the last 10 years when I became exceptionally great at dating, even though I’m quite an average guy.
Here are the most important things you should keep in mind that go against conventional wisdom about women:
- Women are attracted to high status, which doesn’t only mean financial situation. As a matter of fact, money only plays a minor role in your status: the most important things that women evaluate your status from are confidence, decisiveness, self-acceptance, the power to influence others, and also the resilience to be influenced by others.
- You shouldn’t run after girls. Highly attractive men know they have abundance with girls, so they don’t stress about getting a particular woman. Instead, they present their values, and if it is enough, then great; if it isn’t, they move on to the next potential dating partner.
- Women are attracted to those guys who don’t give a damn about others’ opinions. This is how the bad boy myth was born. You don’t necessarily need to become a bad boy. You just have to become someone who lives by his rules and doesn’t afraid to express his unique personality and opinions.
You are too desperate
There is a subtle sign that every women seek when they evaluate a guy’s overall status and attractiveness from his behavior. This is the power position. Plain and simple, the more power you have in any given situation, the more attractive you become.
The problem with most men is that they want women or a particular girl so bad that they are willing to do almost anything for her. This is the position of powerlessness, and this is the root cause why they are not getting laid very often.
If you approach girls with a weak mindset that you have to do whatever it takes to get them, you show multiple negative qualities about yourself.
- You are too needy because you probably lack women in your life
- You are too nice, so you must be putting extra effort into dating because you don’t think yourself good enough.
- You can’t control your emotions; therefore, you won’t be able to provide enough emotional and physical security, which is the core attraction clue in women’s minds.
While on the contrary, attractive guys approach girls with an abundant mindset.
In business or social situations, it’s a universal rule that whoever is more invested in interaction has the least influence. The person least invested has more control because he is more willing to walk away. Essentially, the ultimate power is when you act as if you enjoy the company of a girl, but you don’t need anything from her.
You don’t escalate
Escalating means moving forward toward sex in a time frame that feels comfortable to both you and the girl.
Escalation can happen very quickly, like when you meet a girl at the club and find yourself in her bed after a few hours. It can also occur at a very slow pace throughout months of dating.
Sexual escalation should always feel smooth for both of you. Everything that is forced is a huge turn-off.
If at any time the girl becomes uncomfortable with your advances, whether that’s physical, or verbal, then your escalation is miscalibrated.
In that case, if you can’t get laid, it’s most likely either physical or verbal escalation issues.
Physical escalation includes things like:
- Hand holding
- Leg stroking
- Mutual caressing (heavy petting)
- Hair pulling
Verbal escalation includes things like:
- Telling a girl straight up you want to sleep with her (though that approach is a bit drastic)
- Giving a compliment on her looks
- Talking about sex, including examples from real-life experience, or pop culture
- Asking about her sexual preferences
- Describing your sexual preferences
The goal of escalation is to firmly implant the idea of her sleeping with you in her mind. It’s not a big leap for her to think about sleeping with you once she starts thinking about sex. Use texts like these to entice her to consider something sexual:
Remember: by touching her physically, you can turn on her sexuality. And by talking or texting about intimate subjects, you can excite her on a mental level.