In this blog post, I’m gonna show you the 15 online dating mistakes, almost anyone commits throughout their online dating journey. I’m very conscious about my dating profile and texts, but sometimes I also make some of the mistakes that are listed below.
Let’s begin with the first one which is the most obvious fault you can make.
ONLINE DATING MISTAKES: PROFILE
Your success will stand or fall on your photos because you can be the most attractive man on Earth, if you can’t communicate it with your profile pictures, you will be lost in the ocean of men on Tinder.
I used to have terrible photos, and for a long time, I had just a couple of matches. I don’t consider myself much more attractive now, but with my current pictures, I have a ton of matches.
Main aspects of a great online dating photo:
Quality: Your photos will instantly look more appealing if you change the crappy low-resolution photos to high-quality DSLR pictures.
Lighting: Photos are best taken in the Golden Hour or in the Blue Hour. Outdoor photos work better than indoor ones.
Pose: When you choose a pose, the goal is to look as natural as possible. If you take the picture on the street, it will be much more effective if you walk and act as if you’re not aware of the photographer. Don’t do any unnatural poses, like no one would do if there were no cameras nearby.
Facial expression: The most important thing about facial expressions is diversity. You shouldn’t smile at all your pictures, and you shouldn’t be serious. If you are serious on one of your photos, then laugh at least on another. If you look sideways on one of your pictures, there should be a photo of you where you look in the lens.
Location: Choosing the right spot to take pictures is very important. Be conscious about it. Your photos must tell a story about your life. If you sit on a chair in all of your pictures, then girls will think you have no life, even if you say in your bio that you are a doctor, you usually travel around the world in your spare time, you climbed Mount Everest twice, you collect paintings, and if you have some free time, you save baby seals from whalers.
Lack of bio
One of the biggest online dating mistakes is to skip filling out your bio section.
First, women look at your photos. If they find them appealing, their attention shifts onto your bio or about me section (depending on the app).
If you get the girl to look at your bio, you have won the first battle, but there is still lots of room for error. There are a lot of techniques and tips to come up with a great bio but at the end of the day one thing matters:
“Can you stand out from the crowd or not?”
What I mean about “standing out” is that you must tell her subtly that you are above the average or preferably above most other men in some way. Choose areas from your life where you are above other men.
- you like swimming
- you love deep talks
- you have an MBA
See? These are great skills but almost everyone could write them in his bio. These won’t make you different from others.
- Doctor/lawyer/psychologist/fireman (typically high-prestige jobs)
- You give public speeches, you’re a football coach (you are the leader of other men)
- Marathon lover, athlete
- You can make her laugh
After you identified your best qualities, it’s best to create sentences where you highlight these qualities. I like to do it with a non-bragging fun vibe:
ONLINE DATING MISTAKES: SETTINGS
Wrong Distance Settings
If you have really narrow options in age and distance, you are going to get fewer matches. Opening your distance search outside just your city/town and expanding your age limits can help you to have more options and therefore to get more matches. Chances are lots of guys in your area that have the exact same distance range settings, so there is a huge competition for the girls who fall into this range.
Wrong Age Settings
The age settings are also very important. If you’re 50 and you set your distance range to 18-22, you’ll have a very low match rate regardless of your attractiveness. It’s because these girls tend to set their age range to about 20-28, and you are way out of it. Of course, you can succeed in this setting, but you have lower probabilities. This is the same if you are 18, and you want 25-year-olds to match with. Women are usually interested in guys who are a few years older. But as they age, their preferences for dating partners age are expanding.
ONLINE DATING MISTAKES: USAGE
Swiping everyone right
Online dating apps do not only determine your attractiveness by your photos and popularity amongst girls but also by your swiping routine.
If you swipe too many girls right, you will have a lower desirability score. In this instance, you may notice you don’t have any matches in several days because the system practically doesn’t show your profile to all the other girls. Perhaps you have already realized that it isn’t a good idea to swipe everyone to the right without sorting. It’s best to use the app for its intended purpose, i.e., to swipe only those girls right who you consider attractive.
Low Frequency of use
If you don’t use the application too often, your desirability index will probably be the same, but you will have fewer matches because you will be sinking deeper in the stack of profiles. After all, the apps usually take frequent users to the top. This makes sense, as Tinder and other companies aim to have as many matches as possible, and as many conversations as possible between men and women. If the girl has to wait weeks for you to write back, it will worsen her user experience. You don’t have to swipe all-day-long. Do it for 5 minutes per 5 times a day.
Short or no conversations
Are you surprised that online dating apps measure your number of messages with girls? This is an easy way for them to identify whether you’re a great acquaintance or not. If girls don’t like to talk to you, you will be considered less attractive, hence your profile’s ELO score will drop. However, if you text frequently and you send/get a massive amount of messages, the situation will be quite the opposite: your score will go up.
You use the application the best way if you text to everyone you matched. Even if she isn’t as attractive as she seemed to be at first, you are better off if you write to her, or unmatch her.
ONLINE DATING MISTAKES: TEXTING
Women are neither going to meet you because of your funny bio line nor your attractive photos. Of course, these things may help, sometimes more, sometimes less, but these aren’t the causes why girls would want to date you.
Women want to get to know you, to be with you, to date you because their emotions are motivating them to do so. If you can motivate a woman emotionally, it’s more likely that she is going to meet you. The purpose of the conversation should be the following:
“You need to create strong emotions because they are going to motivate girls to date you.”
In my book, I show all the emotions, that you need to trigger in women to get plenty of dates and become extraordinary in online dating.
Women love to have fun and especially online they are looking for someone who can steer them away from their daily monotony. I’m not talking only about humor. Although jokes, teasing and funny stories are all important parts of creating a fun environment between the two of you. Besides humor, you can make them feel joy by coming up with interesting stories or you can play games with them.
Many guys think that not only they have to pour their entire lives on girls, but they also need to present things in a specific way to gain sympathy.
The easiest way for women to determine your value is by observing you while talking about yourself. You may think that compromising yourself is a good strategy because you are honest with yourself and the girl, but you are wrong. You are lying to yourself and to the girl.
The problem isn’t your weakness. The problem is that you decide that your temporary state or skill describes your personality.
- I was VERY nervous before dates, but it didn’t stop me from asking girls out.
- When I was a kid I always sat on the bench on Saturdays when my team played football matches. I wasn’t good enough, but I didn’t take it as a fact, just a temporary state. Ten years later I played in the national futsal team.
- I was the most unlucky guy with girls but it didn’t prevent me to go on a self-development journey and become very successful with women eventually.
You can’t change your temporary state with a finger snap, but you can instantly change how you look at yourself. You can say: “Well, I’m not the most successful guy on the planet, but I will do everything I can to change this.”
You ask questions that don’t lead anywhere
There is no problem with neutral questions when she is attracted to you, but in the initial phase of your conversation, you can quickly turn down women with boring questions. The point of the interaction is to connect with the girl while showing her your attractive traits.
But most people try to keep the conversation going without increasing women’s attraction. These guys write these lines:
Also, these guys ask these things in a row, and they wonder why women leave after the third annoying question. Women get these questions all the time, so before you ask something, think about the effect it does on women. Is it boosting her level of attraction? Is it decreasing it? Does the question lead the conversation anywhere?