You’ve matched with girls but you don’t want to screw up with them, so you’re wondering how you can avoid online dating rejection. The answer is so simple and revolutionary that you may not have even thought about it before:
… You cannot avoid it.
Or to be more precise, you can avoid online dating rejection by not using Tinder, Bumble, OkCupid, etc. at all.
Look, online dating has made it extremely easy for girls and boys to have a conversation or above all, to date and hookup with someone. You don’t have to move out, you don’t have to get dressed, you just have to upload some good photos (it’s not always that simple, here are my tips) and you are already in the game.
But simplicity comes at a price.
This is because women have also had an amazing increase in opportunities and, at the same time, an increase in their expectations. If there’s something she doesn’t like about the guy or she misunderstands some of his messages, there’s already another guy in the stack who is at least as exciting and with whom she can start talking in the hopes he will be a better catch.
And this is not only true for the most attractive women. This is also true for average or sometimes even for unattractive ones too.
That’s why you should accept and expect rejection, as it’s inherent in online dating. Sometimes girls will turn you down even if you did everything right.
HOW TO HANDLE ONLINE DATING REJECTION?
So, you can’t be great at online dating without rejection, but through rejection. Quite frankly, the more successful you become, the more rejection you need to endure in the future.
The good news is, that after you dated many girls, rejection won’t hurt as much as it used to.
But on the other hand, if you never feel bad about rejection, it would mean you don’t care enough. This, in turn, is clearly detrimental to motivation.
Tip # 1: My first piece of advice is to try not to get rid of your frustration, but let it motivate you. Powerful emotions – even negative ones – are great tools for improvement.
Sometimes girls cancel dates. That’s how things work. I know it’s sad, but if you focus only on the end goal (hookup, getting a girlfriend) you will miss the point.
Namely, your progress.
You can handle rejection when you go for small wins.
Tip # 2: Set smaller goals for yourself. If you want to take Victoria’s Secret models home right away, you’re punishing yourself, as you can’t grow up to such high expectations in a short amount of time. Define smaller goals, like:
1. Create a stunning opener
2. Then elevate girls’ emotional state with funny, creative, exciting messages.
3. Then ask them out successfully
4. Become better in real-life dating
5. And finally work on your weaker skills, that prevent you from getting dates.
HOW TO AVOID ONLINE DATING REJECTION – OR AT LEAST MINIMIZE IT
While it can’t be avoided, you can significantly reduce your chances of rejection if you use dating apps skillfully enough. I’ll show you my 9+1 ways to stand out from the other guys and thus reduce the chances of online dating rejection.
Don’t play safe
Some guys text the wrong message at the wrong time. Some guys are annoying girls. But the worst thing a girl can feel about you is actually when she doesn’t feel anything about you.
Yes, even rejection is ten times better than playing safe and dipping your toe into the cold water instead of jumping in it.
When she doesn’t feel anything about you, she is bored. And if she’s bored you will only be an option for her until she finds someone more interesting, more challenging, more exciting.
“If you play safe, it’s the least likely that she rejects you, but she also won’t be attracted to you”
Building attraction is always risky because your goal should be to stand out from the crowd.
When you do small talk, she won’t think about you like a special someone. Take humor for example. Humor is risky because there are chances she doesn’t understand your funny messages or finds them lame.
As long as you focus only on entertainment, you remain a cute, funny guy. The one who usually got friendzoned by women.
I’m saying this because for years I’ve been the sweet funny guy, who women loved to talk to all-night-long, but also the guy who they didn’t feel attraction about.
You can be the world’s most hilarious guy, still, women won’t consider you as a potential partner until they can’t respect you, your past achievements, your personality.
Female attraction is completely different than ours. Aside from appearance, women desperately want a confident, valuable guy. They want a man who is adored by women, and a man who is admired by other guys. It may seem difficult to achieve this, but it couldn’t have been further from the truth.
Women need clues that show them the guy’s mental strength, confidence, his successes, his relationship with other men, and women. Yes, they usually want a caring, nice person, but they have to make sure they are in the right hands. Women want a lifesaver, not a guy who drowns with them.
Creating a picture of a very attractive, high-status guy in women’s minds is a big part of my success with girls. I can achieve this by several psychological techniques while remaining completely honest with them (this is important). I write a lot about becoming very attractive in my ebook, The Book of Online Seduction.
Impatience is the invisible attraction killer, but this is one of the most common online dating mistakes. A lot of guys sooner or later lose their patience after they sense that the girl is acting a little cold. They try to shape the girl’s behavior to make things going in the right direction. We can see this when a guy is supplicating and acting needy or when he is showing off.
Women often show themselves to be uninterested even if they are already attracted to. It’s because of 3 things:
- She is unaware of her attraction. Women are getting attracted to guys slower. A lot of times they are already attracted to you, but they didn’t realize it yet.
- She is testing your persistence: Are you confident enough to chaise her even if she shows no sign of interest?
- She tries to reveal your true personality: Do you become angry, frustrated, or depressed when she rejects you? You can bet it’s the shortest way to lose her.
If you try to make moves on her, but she rejects you, it often doesn’t mean that she doesn’t want anything from you, it means you have to slow down. Women usually need much more time to feel something for guys, and even if she feels something, she needs time to be sure about her feelings. You should always make things going at her pace. It’s not a tragedy if you sometimes try to escalate things faster, but if you sense she’s not there yet, then be cool about it, slow down and be patient.
Many guys, either because of their previous negative experiences or because of their insecurities, are afraid of making advances to girls. They do some small talk, like
“How was your day/how are you”
or they got into an in-depth conversation with a girl, but without any sign of escalation. If you matched with someone, you must be clear about your romantic or sexual intentions because girls need the feeling to be accepted by men. Deep inside, women are as much insecure about themselves as we are, and they are even more sensitive to rejection than us. Sometimes even the most beautiful girls can feel rejected if you don’t make moves on her.
Several studies have shown, that one of the biggest turn-ons for women is the guy who confidently pursues them. Women can become aroused by a man who is already aroused by her. It’s funny but true.
There’s nothing wrong with sexual intentions. I always use sexual language, but I make sure not to appear too straightforward.
Hide your feelings – at least at the beginning
I have seen countless times that guys write lines like this:
We call supplication the act when someone is so emotionally invested that he would be willing to do anything for someone. Supplication tells a lot about guys.
On the one hand, it tells that the guy has an extreme desire, which in this case, is the woman’s embodiment. Attractive guys with a lot of dating options don’t fall for the girls because they are always surrounded by quality women. Moreover, other important things occupy their thoughts than to beg for women to go out with them for dating.
Supplication also communicates that one doesn’t consider himself good enough because he feels he has to do everything to be with the woman. An attractive man knows that giving anything for free causes loss in attraction. Talk to any beautiful woman. If you give her attention, compliments, or gifts before she deserved them, then she will know that you don’t consider yourself attractive enough for them.
The more confidently you talk and behave, the more attractive you will become, and even your life will be much easier. Self-confidence gives you a sense of control and power, which makes women fall for you.
So how to be more confident with women?
I read almost everything about self-confidence and tried all sorts of methods and found that there is one way to gain true confidence.
Real and credible self-confidence consists of two components.
Self-Acceptance: Self-acceptance doesn’t mean accepting your mistakes. Self-Acceptance means admitting the present moment, your current state, who you are with all your flaws, thoughts, and feelings, but doing what you think you have to do. Accepting yourself only applies to the present moment, so as a man, you are always bound to strive to become better and more valuable in the future.
Experience: A lot of self-help gurus claim you need to be chanting reinforcing statements, like:
“I’m very attractive”, “I’m confident”, “Girls like me”.
Don’t believe them! Reinforcing statements are only effective for those who are already confident and attractive on some level. Gaining experience is the way to become more confident in any aspect of your life. doesn’t mean accepting your mistakes.
Self-Acceptance means admitting the present moment, your current state, who you are with all your flaws, thoughts, and feelings, but doing what you think you have to do. Accepting yourself only applies to the present moment, so as a man, you are always bound to strive to become better and more valuable in the future.
Don’t be too easy
The fundamental principle which determines whether a girl only looks at you as a friend or as the man she wants to get:
“As long as a woman knows you want her better than she does, she has power over you.”
A woman instinctively feels that a man can’t be in a higher position than she if he desperately wants to get together with her. That’s why she will be unable to feel anything about this guy.
Professional salespeople often use techniques that leave potential buyers in doubt. Uncertainty is a handy weapon in companies’ persuasion strategies.
“Only while the stock lasts.”
“Available for a limited time only.”
If we’re unsure we can get something, we usually want it much better, even if it’s the same as every other product.
Qualifying questions are great to show girls that you are a man with other dating options, therefore you test girls to see if they’re right for you.
Of course, if you would text it explicitly, it would ruin the vibe between the two of you, but you can ask playful questions with the aim of testing her:
Don’t hunt for feedbacks
If you want the girl to be attracted to you, you must hide this need to achieve your goal. Women are attracted to guys who don’t give a fuck about women’s thoughts about them. Mentally sharp, emotionally independent guys don’t rely on women’s thoughts and emotions; they do what they want regardless of the opinions of girls.
Why is it a bad idea to ask her what she feels about you?
In the initial phase of the relationship, women often begin to feel something about you. It may be that she is attracted to you unconsciously, but she doesn’t dare to admit it to herself. At this stage, if you ask her about her feelings, you commit a big mistake. Why?
- First of all, a truly attractive man doesn’t ask women about what they think of him because he finds the question completely unnecessary. In the initial phase of the interaction, a girl usually won’t tell you if she likes you, even if the thought of being with you arouses her.
- The attractive man won’t ask girls about their feelings and opinions about him because he knows exactly who he is, how valuable he is, and others’ opinions change nothing about it.
- Additionally, if you are hunting for feedback, she will notice you are emotionally affected, which, as you know, will damage your attractiveness.
Learn from your mistakes
“The mistake is not the mistake itself. It’s the fact that you commit it over and over again.”
I see on a daily basis that even handsome and funny guys are unsuccessful at online dating because they make the same mistakes over and over again. First, you need to know what problem you have to tackle.
I played futsal for many years on a relatively high level. Futsal is a difficult sport because, on the one hand, you need a great technique for ball control, on the other hand, you have to be smarter than the opponents which require a lot of knowledge about tactics.
It took me a lot of time to learn the rules that made me a better player, but I did it step by step. First, I identified my weaknesses, and after I worked on them, but at a certain period I only focused on one thing.
Online dating is a very straightforward process. We know it has fixed phases. I separated it into 4 different phases, but there are a lot more. The main ones: Match phase, Texting phase, Date schedule phase, Date phase.
Match phase: If you don’t have enough matches, you definitely need better photos and a better bio. You may also need a better age and distance settings. Try to swipe right only those who you consider attractive.
Texting phase: You need a great opener, and you have to build her attraction level step-by-step. This is clearly the most difficult phase with lots of pitfalls. Show your funny, your cool, your smart side. Make her laugh, make her uncertain about you, and stand out from the crowd.
Date scheduling phase: Ask her out when she is at her emotional peak. After she accepted your invitation for a date, keep her emotions as high as you can until the date itself.
Dating phase: The actual date where it turns out whether you end up at her place or not, whether you get a second date or not. Read my guide to the first Tinder date.
+1 tip: The perfect opener
Come up with a great opener.
I’m currently working on a blog post about the Perfect Online Dating Opener. And it will
CAN YOU FIX THINGS AFTER SHE REJECTED YOU?
Well, it depends on a lot of things like what happened between the two of you so far, how many mistakes you’ve taken so far (here are some very common mistakes that guys commit), how well did you present yourself on your dating profile, how many other options she has, etc.