Online dating tips for introverts

Written by Ryan Cross

Are there more opportunities for introverts in online dating? Or less? Let’s find out in this guide of online dating tips for introverts.

Online dating has opened up opportunities for introverted men as well who aren’t thrilled with the idea of picking up girls from clubs and streets. Maybe you don’t want or don’t dare to approach girls in your social circle, or you don’t have enough dating options among your friends, and it’s perfectly okay.

You may think it’s much easier to start a conversation online. But is it really easier for introverts to communicate with girls online? Is it easier to ask them out and seduce them on dating apps like Tinder? And finally, what are the opportunities and challenges that introverted men face during online dating?

Why online dating is great for introverts?


Online dating makes communication easier for guys who don’t like being at the center of the social circle or find it difficult to open up in person in many ways. Online dating is less stressful, you have more time to think about what to write. While extroverts usually get more attention from girls in social events, an introverted guy can talk to as many (or even more) girls online as extroverted ones.


Online dating is less stressful


I still remember when my friend and I regularly approached girls on the streets or at the parties. He enjoyed daygaming, meanwhile, I was struggling, even though many times I was able to get girls’ phone numbers and continue talking to them later.

I know that talking to girls can be stressful. Online dating doesn’t cut out negative emotions, but you don’t have to face as harsh rejections as in real life. Among other things, online dating has become so popular because it causes less stress to ask someone out or have a chat with her.


You have more time


Another great benefit of online dating is that you have more time to think about what you want to write. Awkward silence as such doesn’t exist on Tinder.

If you are a more withdrawn type or you just started online dating recently, there is no better option than Tinder and other dating apps. 


It doesn’t involve social events


If you’re like me, you’d rather be with a company of a great book or an interesting movie than with the company of thousands of people at the local club. 

The good thing is that today you don’t have to go out in the evenings to pick up girls if that’s not your thing. Online dating has opened up the possibilities for you to arrange dates from your couch while sipping a chocolate milkshake in your favorite pyjama. Just like I do.

5 online dating tips for introverts


Many women are not into the alpha guy who wants to be the center of the universe. Many women genuinely like quiet men, who only talk when they got something worthy to say. 

 Girls are usually fed up with too cocky guys. It can be very intimidating when a guy talks too much or is too pushy. So yeah, there are girls who seek guys just like you on dating apps. 

But you should be aware of something. Something which is my first tip for you.

Be selective when you swipe


There will be some types of women that you simply won’t be able to attract because they are attracted to completely different kinds of men. Your goal is to be selective enough to sort out girls whose personalities don’t match with yours. 


Girls who will unlikely make a good match with an introverted guy:


  • Party girls: These girls upload some (or many) party pictures to their accounts. These photos say: “I like drinking, YOLO and I don’t give a damn about what others think about me. Girls like these are used to guys who approach them in social circumstances. These girls usually seek emotional highs, not deep connections and are attracted more to extroverted guys.

  • Insta queens: Insta queens rarely use Tinder for deep relationships or even hookups. Their main goal is to get as much attention and reinforcement as possible. Of course, this is a generalization, but often it’s a waste of time to try to seduce girls with a ton of perfectly photoshopped pictures.

  • The one-nighters: “Ryan, do you just said, that I shouldn’t hook-up on Tinder???” Not exactly. Or I could say: on the contrary. My goal is to share with guys (introverted and extroverted) how they can seduce girls from online dating apps. What I wanted to say is that girls rarely admit explicitly that they want a one-night stand. Believe me, I’ve been through a lot of those, and maybe some of them admitted that they want to have sex with me. Avoid those girls who write this on their “about me” section: “I’m looking for hookups” or “nothing serious.”

Optimize your profile


If you don’t have enough matches on Tinder, Badoo, or any other dating application, it means there is a problem with your photos. It’s not the app screwing with you, not the girls are too superficial, and there is no problem with the algorithm. If you don’t have enough matches, you should take some brand new photos, and there are also chances you may need to develop a better lifestyle.

On dating apps, women first judge men based on their appearance. Not that it is the most important aspect, or women are more superficial these days than before. It’s because this is the only clue on your profile that can be used to find out your attractiveness and status. Does it matter in real life? Of course, it matters, and in online dating, it matters even more – at least at the beginning. 

It’s no coincidence I use the term “good photos”, not “model appearance” because you don’t have to be Brad Pitt to be successful on dating sites. Ohh, and I almost forgot. On the other hand, don’t forget that perfect pictures won’t solve everything, they only give you an initial advantage. 

Perfectly set and lighted images can be a competitive advantage, such as a better spoiler, better tires, or lighter weight on a racing car. However, if the engine doesn’t work well, which in your case means basic things like your body, dressing, or your lifestyle, even the best settings won’t save you.

Improve your confidence


Let’s be clear at the beginning. Yes, successful people tend to be more confident, and the more confident you become, the more successful you will be with girls. The advantage of confident men is that they are more risk-taking and generally luckier with women. The more confidently you talk and behave, the more attractive you will become, and even your everyday life will be much easier. Self-confidence gives you a sense of control and power, which makes women attracted to you.

So how to be more confident with women?

Genuine and credible self-confidence consists of two components: self-acceptance and experience. 



Self-acceptance doesn’t mean accepting your flaws. Self-acceptance means accepting the present moment, your current state, who you are with all your mistakes, thoughts, and feelings. Accepting yourself only applies to the present moment, so as a man, you are always bound to strive to become better and more valuable in the future.

Confident guys don’t want to convince girls about their confidence. They are doing and saying things regardless of what others might think about them.



I know a lot of introverted guys and the majority of them are afraid of rejection. 

I tried every method, trick, mindset, I improved so much, that I’m completely different than I was a few years ago.

But I still fail!

I make moves on someone too soon, sometimes too late, I don’t always look good, I’m not always confident, and there are times when I show signs of emotional investment. You will never appeal to everyone, and I will go further. You will never be considered attractive for the majority of women. Nor am I, nor anyone else. 

So, it’s a ridiculous idea, to start a game with a mindset, where you aim not to lose ever. In this real dating game, you don’t just have one, five, or ten lives. You have infinite lives. If you live in a big city, five minutes after a girl rejected you, you can start with a new one. 

Even rejection is worth much more than sitting at home thinking about what to say or write to girls.

To hack your brain, you need to understand that the world is governed by laws that don’t give a shit about your feelings. Thus, you must rely on your rational thoughts. If girls reject you, then instead of being mad at yourself, you can take a look at what happened. “I was too kind”, “I haven’t got control over myself”, “I have to be more good-looking”, “I asked her too many questions”. 

Improve your humor

If you don’t consider yourself funny or funny enough, I have good news for you: although it takes a lot of time and practice, to a certain degree, everyone can become humorous. The degree of your sense of humor derives from a lot of things like your upbringing, self-esteem, intelligence, your vision of the world, and whether you can give a fuck to the opinions of others. I was very fortunate to have grown up with hilarious people and learned many things, unwittingly and unintentionally.

But why is humor so attractive?

First, because it makes people feel good, but more importantly, humor shows women that you are masterfully controlling your emotions while presenting a small piece of reality that is unexpected for them. The funniest things come from otherwise difficult topics like racial discrimination, conflict, or human misfortune. Blessed with a good sense of humor, you can twist the stories and put them in a much lighter perspective. Women also desire men with a good sense of humor because they are cocky enough to say things that no one else dares to say.

So how to be funnier on Tinder? 

I wrote an entire article on the subject. If you’re just reading one article on how to be funny online, this article should be it.

Prepare for the first date


The first date obviously determines whether things can continue between you or simply not to spark the relationship between the two of you.

If you do everything right on your first date with your Tinder match, you can multiply your chances to make her attracted to you. Of course, there is never a guarantee that a date will be successful, even if you do everything right.

So, I covered the main elements of a successful Tinder date in 10 points. If you follow these tips, you’ll have better odds to have a great first date and actually getting to the second date as well.

1. Pick the right location: Your dating place shouldn’t be loud and it should be as close to your place as possible for the case if things are getting hot between you two. For your first date try to avoid museums, crowded places, exotic restaurants, because this makes it difficult for you to concentrate on each other.

2. Lead: You should decide where you’re going and what you are going to do. Of course, listen to her if she has any other ideas, but you have to make the final decision.

3. Have fun: Your only goal on a date should be to have fun because the more lightsome the vibe the more relaxed she can become.

4. You should pay, but don’t go to an expensive venue: People are frequently debating about who should pay on the first date. I’ve never had any problems with it since I don’t go to expensive places with girls on the first date. If she offers you to pay for a drink, you can say “the next to turn is yours” or “you can pay the next time.”

5. Don’t expect any outcome: Don’t shoot for certain goals like kissing her or make out with her on the first date. Some girls will go to your place one hour after you meet her, but some girls need time to open up sexually. As a man, you have to go at her pace. On the other hand, goals put pressure on you and make you nervous.

6. Escalate: The guys I advise you to approach are the ones who find that it doesn’t work for them. The problem usually stems from the fact that the approach is not built up gradually, so even a touch will seem like a huge leap and will not be natural. From the first moment you gradually approach it both physically and mentally.

7. Handle rejection: If she rejects you in some form during the date (i.e. after an attempt to kiss her), you have to take a step backward, but you should neither show it affected you emotionally nor say you’re sorry. That’s your job. You have to take the initiative, there is nothing to be ashamed of.

8. Keep the conversation going: Dating is not an audition. Don’t even think about meeting girls as you date them. Pretend you met an old friend you respect, but a friend who can talk to about nearly anything. 

9. Have personal boundaries: Be able to step off the date if you are experiencing something that you find unacceptable from a woman. For example, for me, it is unacceptable for being late from a date (like more than 30 minutes), behaving disrespectfully, making phone calls. Leave if she does something that hurts your personal boundaries. Don’t be angry, stay gentleman, thank her for the date and never talk to her anymore.

10. Cancel the date if you have issues: Don’t meet a girl if you’re sick, tired, or in a bad mood. You are more likely to fail in these cases and the negative experience can affect negatively your self-esteem.


Hope this post was helpful to you. If you want to know more about online dating, I strongly suggest you check out my ebook, where I have written down everything you need to know to succeed in the online dating world.

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