There are things I wish I knew when I started online dating back then. I dated hundreds of women literally over the years and slowly but steadily implemented a lot of knowledge in my game.
So, here are 10 online dating tips for men that changed my dating life as I learned them, and I’m sure it will help you a lot as well.
Online dating tips for men:
- Avoid desperate and needy behavior
- Don’t send boring texts
- Find girls who don’t have many other dating options
- Tease girls
- Write online dating openers that are about you
- Disappear occasionally
- Handle women’s tests
- Give compliments unconditionally
- Flip the ‘man has to chase women’ script
- Have strong boundaries
Women sort out guys who look desperate
Online dating tip #1: Avoid desperate and needy behavior when you text girls on online dating apps.
Often, guys are doing great on online dating apps; they are funny, charming, they have excellent texting skills. Yet, when they start texting their perfect match, they become needy:
They text all the time, become too pushy, emotional, and jealous. Guys do all kinds of things when they become needy that women can’t stand.
You won’t appear needy and desperate if you stop doing these 3 things.
Don’t flood her with messages
A typical mistake I see guys make is that they become emotional and flood girls with needy messages after they sent something and got no response.
A lot of things can prevent a girl from texting you. Maybe she is busy, testing you or even likes you but doesn’t want to overwhelm you with messages. Whatever the reason is, every time you don’t get responses from women, you have to stay calm and come up with something funny and non-needy message, like this:
Don’t hunt for reinforcement
Why is it a bad idea to ask her what she feels about you? Women are attracted to guys who don’t give a fuck about women’s thoughts about them because it shows confidence.
When you want to know her opinion about you, you depict yourself as an insecure and unsuccessful chap and give all the power to the girl.
A truly attractive man doesn’t ask women what they think of him because he finds the question completely irrelevant. In addition, at the initial phase of the interaction, a girl usually won’t tell you if she likes you.
Don’t try to get things from her
When someone is needy, he clearly lacks intimacy from his life. So what does he do? He constantly invites women to hangouts, asks for nudes, or makes compliments to get something back in return—most of the time, sex, intimacy, and positive feedback about him.
But what if you forget your needs and concentrate on what girls want on dating apps? Women are attracted to those guys who are Givers instead of Takers.
Women want to get positive emotions when they’re texting guys. They want to laugh, to become excited, and to play games with men. They also want some sort of challenge: to be uncertain about whether you like her or not. If you continuously try to ask her out, you show her that you’re 100% into her. No challenge, no uncertainty.
Every message counts because women’s attraction is constantly decreasing
Online dating tip #2: Don’t send boring messages because girls have short attention spans on dating apps.
Many guys who use dating apps are frustrated because women stop responding to their messages sooner or later. When you match with a girl, and she replies to your opener, she is at least interested in you, if not attracted. You can screw up with her in basically two ways:
- You text really fucked up things, like very sexual or needy messages.
- You are boring; therefore, you don’t generate any emotions in girls, which is the prerequisite of sexual attraction.
Look, guys desire girls quite differently, like the other way around. We (guys) are still physically attracted to hot women, even to those who have shitty personalities. But that’s just not the case on the other side. You always have to present your best side, and you can’t allow yourself to be boring.
To keep women’s interest or raise it to a sexual attraction, you need to
- subtly demonstrate your attractive qualities;
- bring out positive emotions from girls at the same time.
You can date beautiful girls if you go in the direction of “low competition”
Online dating tip #3: Find girls who don’t have many other dating options to maximize your chances.
There are basically two components that determine your chances to date a particular girl:
- What she thinks about her attractiveness, therefore the type of guy she deserves.
- The number of potential partners she can actually date.
The second component affects the first one, so if she can date many guys, it will likely cause her to become pickier. Even an average-looking girl can be tough to date if she goes out twice a week; she has a very open, extroverted personality and uses 3 different dating apps simultaneously.
At the same time, you can date countless beautiful (or at least above average) girls if you focus on a few important criteria. Let’s compare two types of girls:
Free time: Party, Shopping
Dating apps usage: 3 apps / frequently
Number of friends on social media: 6000 friends
Your chances to date her: Very low
Free time: Reading, Meeting friends
Dating apps usage: 1 app / occasionally
Number of friends on social media: 250 friends
Attractiveness: Very attractive
Your chances to date her: High
In this case, the average one is more difficult to date because she has a lifestyle in which she talks to and meets a lot of guys. The other one, contrary, has very few dating options, even though she is more attractive.
Consequently, you can date hot girls if you look for signs of “low competition” because you only need to compete with, let’s say, 3 guys instead of 50. These signs are lower quality photos on dating apps, low number of Instagram followers, or she uses Tinder rarely. Also, between 20-24 years of age is the highest competition for girls, so I rather date a 27-year-old beauty than her 20-year-old counterpart.
Online dating is a game of probability. You should always pick the girls you have the lowest competition, therefore the best chances with.
Tease her to establish sexual chemistry and good vibe
Online dating tip #4: With teasing, you can build up dominance while making her laugh
With teasing, you can not only make fun of girls but also, you can establish a subtle dominance, which is the source of sexual chemistry.
You can build up a playful vibe with her where you basically set this frame: “You are imperfect, but I still like you.” You want to establish this vibe with her because playful back-and-forth teasing is the foundation for establishing a sexual vibe with her later.
If you text her, for example “How’s my 3rd cutest little messenger buddy? 😛” you can playfully tease her and make her feel like you are somebody who’s fun to hang out with.
You can 10X your number of dates if your opener is about you
Online dating tip #5: Great online dating openers are not about women. They are about you.
The biggest problem with most openers is that they are all about the girls.
“You look gorgeous”
“I like your blue eyes”
“You must be very smart if you have an MBA”
But your opener shouldn’t be about them! The beautiful girls know precisely how good they look, how well they dress because they hear it all day. They don’t need another random guy reminding them of their attractive qualities.
Women need compliments, but only from attractive men. And in many cases, you have to earn to be treated as an attractive man. Girls want more information about you and your qualities, not about themselves.
“Great openers are about you and not about her.
The best openers are about you, your achievements, personality, and cool life wrapped into an engaging first message. Girls tell me on a daily basis that this is the best online dating opener they’ve ever read:
If you don’t believe me, try this on a few girls. But come up with your own version and keep this structure to maximize its efficiency.
Keep in mind that the first part of the message should contain high-value facts about you. But the second part is more playful. You can joke around and use self-irony so that girls can connect with you easier on an emotional level.
Sometimes not texting is better than texting
Online dating tip #6: Disappear occasionally to increase girls’ attraction.
You may be wondering how not texting a girl can actually make her more interested in you, but it’s actually quite simple. Let’s suppose you’ve been texting her consistently for 1-2 days. Suddenly you stop replying. Here’s what happens most of the time.
You make her curious
Now, she’s forced to think, “Why isn’t he answering? Why hasn’t he texted me all day? I wonder what he’s doing that he’s not talking to me. Did I say something wrong last time we talked? Does he not like me anymore? Is he still into me? Does he still want to hang out this weekend?”
As you can see, breaking the rhythm like this forces her to think about you a lot more than she previously was. It forces her to think of you as a guy who has more interesting things going on in his life than to text her all day.
She will be attracted to you even more
Girls like guys who are busy because this is a sign of high-achievers. Guys who aren’t always available are inherently more attractive to girls.
If you disappear for a while, it piques her curiosity, which makes you mysterious, and way more attractive after all. It shows her that you’re abundant; you may have many other dating options besides her because you don’t act needy.
An excellent tactic is to ask the girl out right when you come back after you disappeared for a while. Usually, as soon as she hears from you again, she’s most interested. So, it makes it easy for her to commit to hanging out with you.
Women have subtle messaging weapons to find out who you really are
Online dating tip #7: Learn to handle women’s psychological tests.
Maybe it’s news for you, but women have many psychological techniques for eliciting responses for one purpose: to find out your real personality.
Girls’ attraction is more complex than men’s. Women get aroused and attracted not only on a physical level but on the psychological too. They need a man who is not only good-looking but also confident, smart, and successful. So, many of them use “psychological traps” to elicit responses that show guys’ real personalities. Here are the most common ones:
“Do you write this to every girl?”
Meaning: Are you a player who takes advantage of girls by texting stuff that is too good to be true?
Women often ask this question after your compliment or a very confident text that makes them think whether it was genuine or a tactic you use on everyone.
“I don’t know why I’m talking to you”
Meaning: I like talking to you, I just want to know if you remain confident after this message or you start acting needy.
Most of the time, women send this text when they are already attracted to you. Still, they are unsure if you really have this charming personality. So they are (not everyone, of course) bombarding you with insulting texts to elicit an emotional reaction. If you stay calm and confident, you win.
“Can I bring my friend to the date?”
Meaning: I try to put you under emotional pressure to find out if you change your assertive behavior or not.
Again, every sane girl thinks that it’s stupid to ask a friend to be the third person on a date. Still, sometimes they ask you similar questions to test you.
You don’t always have to play the power game with women. Sometimes the perfect answer is to say “No.”
Compliments may be given unconditionally, not to get something back in return.
Online dating tip #8: Don’t use compliments to gain benefits. Give them unconditionally.
Non-physical / personal compliments usually work much better than physical ones in the online dating world.
First, because these compliments are unique, but more importantly, they don’t play a part in an emotional trade. Many guys compliment women in order to get something back in return—most of the time, sex, reinforcement, and affection.
Somewhat attractive girls can’t stand compliments such as “you have a gorgeous face” or “hot body.” Not because they don’t like compliments. But because they see through the goal of these texts.
Maybe you don’t think about gaining anything from physical compliments… But here are the news:
They also depict you as needy and desperate.
So if you want to use compliments, do it the right way. Namely, to find something in her that is unique but not her body part (sorry, her great ass doesn’t count :/).
I also compliment in a way where I don’t give all the power to girls. So, try to avoid being totally impressed.
“It’s hard to find someone who is very silly and intelligent at the same time … you are doing it pretty well.”
“You really have a very complex personality … I love it.”
“We would have the sexiest kids in the world 😎“
“Surely, we are the sexiest people in the whole country.”
“I told you it’s unfair to distract me with your photos.”
You can be more attractive if you act as if she’d chase you
Online dating tip #9: Flip the traditional script that man has to chase women.
Attractive girls are pursued by guys all the time. Men text and approach women 24/7; they invite girls on a date and continuously want to have sex with them.
But what if we turned the situation upside-down? What if you’d talk as if she is trying to hook up with you? I think this is one of the most ingenious techniques ever.
You might think that guys should chase girls and not the other way around. But you’d be only partially right.
When women are attracted to a man, they do whatever they can to grab his attention. They have an arsenal of techniques for that. If you act as if she’d run after you, you can be both hilarious and appear like a high-value guy.
Use this technique in a lighthearted, funny way because you can come off as a douchebag if she thinks you’re completely serious.
Change the roles
Women usually respond well when you act as if she would try to make advances on you. If she is eager to play the game, she unconsciously accepts the role of chasing you, which can quickly boost your attractiveness.
Self-respect is more important than scoring on a date
Online dating tip #10: Don’t allow girls to cross your boundaries even if you lose them that way.
“A girl can only feel genuine respect for you if you have boundaries she cannot cross.”
There must be a trend in every area of your life that you stand up if something isn’t aligned with your values. It shows the girl that you have a strong reality and high value. This attitude makes you more successful, not just with women, but in your whole life too. Let’s look at the following conversation:
Girl: Are you there at our meeting place?
Guy: Yeah, I’ve been here for 20 minutes.
Girl: Sorry, I need another hour to get there.
Guy: Okay, no problem, I’ll wait.
Do you know what the huge problem with this conversation is? It is that the guy doesn’t respect himself and his time. This often leads to a situation where the girl won’t be able to respect him too. And without respect, there’s no attraction and no second chances.
I’m sure that I’ve lost dozens of girls because my boundaries were made of rubber instead of steel.
The example above has happened to me, and no wonder the girl couldn’t respect me anymore. The date lasted for about an hour, and we never met again.
So, here are the things that you shouldn’t allow anyone if you want to be respected:
- Don’t change your opinion to flatter somebody on Tinder / on the date.
- Don’t give more than 2 chances to anyone who canceled the date before or failed you somehow.
- Don’t become emotional if a girl rejected you. Accept it, and move on.
- Don’t pursue someone who doesn’t respect you, your time, or anyone you love.
Making boundaries and not letting people cross them isn’t just the right thing to do, but it also makes you a lot more attractive.
So, these are my best online dating tips for men that completely changed my dating life in the last few years. I hope they will also help you to get more dates and meaningful relationships with girls.