Every week, girls text me that my online dating opener is the best they’ve ever read.
In this post, I’m going to share with you how I create my highly effective Tinder openers. I show you the exact psychological techniques I use while I remain absolutely honest and fun. At the end of this post – hopefully – your opinion will change about how a great opener should look.
Advantages of the perfect online dating opener
I use certain techniques when I send my first opening message to girls. When you understand these principles, you will never have to worry about openers again and your online dating game will improve as well.
Some facts about my online dating opener:
It works in any language
It’s never getting overused
It’s completely customizable
It doesn’t contain puns and lame jokes
It has hilarious response rates (for me, it’s over 80%)
Girls text long replies (4-5 sentences, sometimes even more)
Once you created it, you can copy-paste it, with a little tweak
To understand why this method works so well, we should take a look at why most other Tinder openers fail.
Why do most online dating openers fail?
Why isn’t it enough for girls to just say “Hi” to them?
You can start off a conversation at a party, or during a social event by saying “Hi” to someone. Online, on the other hand, the situation is a bit different.
When you start a conversation with a woman on a social happening, the event itself already carries several starting points for the interaction: music, other people, funny situations, etc.
Also, she has a lot of information about you from the beginning:
· your voice tone,
· your communications skills,
· your style
· your height,
· your fitness,
· your body language.
In the online dating environment, you make things very difficult for yourself if you text “Hi”, or “How are you?” for the first message because she doesn’t have enough information about you.
If you have outstanding photos, then great. 90% of the guys have awful photos on Tinder, but you still have a tremendous competition with the remaining ones, so you only have one shot to stand out:
Yes, you are correct, with your opening message.
“In the online world, you have to stand out from the crowd with all the tools you have.”
This isn’t the only problem with simple and short openers that you don’t make a better impact on her than others. The other difficulty is that often it’s a struggle to make a great conversation with girls after both of you said “Hi” to each other.
You will soon see that my opener solves this problem as well.
Awful tips from the internet
I read a ton of online dating openers on the internet. Not because I needed inspiration, but to figure it out if there is something else that works well.
Of course, you can find a few quite good online dating openers. It would be a lie to state that my opener is the only one that works on the whole internet. But for me, and for others I consulted it’s waaay better than anything else we ever tried.
But for now, here are some openers from the internet you should never use on girls.
The “Funny” opener:
The common interest opener
Super boring and lame
The pick-up artist opener
Is it from a 2004 Pick Up Artist book?
The secret about outstanding online dating openers
Beyond the fact that most opening texts are simply lame, there is one extremely important thing that these messages lack:
“An excellent online dating opener is not about the girl. It is about you.”
The biggest problem with most openers is that often they are all about the girls. “You look gorgeous”, “I like your blue eyes”.
But your opener shouldn’t be about them!
Believe me. Beautiful women know exactly how good they look, how well they’re dressed because they hear it all day from desperate guys. They don’t need another random chap reminding them of their attractive qualities.
Women need compliments, but only from attractive guys. And in many instances, you have to earn to be treated as an attractive man. Girls want more information about you, not about themselves.
She explicitly told me that she wanted to meet me because of my first opening message. Yes, I did everything well with my other messages, but the key was the opener.
Creating the perfect online dating opener
The perfect online dating opener isn’t a pre-made opening line. It is a formula. You just need to understand its psychological principles, fill in the blanks and you’re good to go.
The formula doesn’t get overused because everyone is different. Therefore, girls won’t bump into the same opener because you’ll have a unique one. With this technique, you can present your own attractive personality without having to worry about someone writing the same opening line.
It never gets old because you can redesign it at any time.
Here’s the formula:
“Hi [Girl’s name], I’m Ryan”
Using the girl’s name is very important because you make your message much more personal, and also girls usually won’t think you send the same line to everyone. Always use the name written in her bio. No nicknames.
“You seemed cute, so I swiped you right.”
This compliment is a general compliment that 99% of girls love to hear, even if they don’t think themselves to be cute. It’s a very general statement about her, and that’s the point. Because you don’t seem try-hard like if you would text this:
This text above conveys a message about you: saying you put her on a pedestal because you don’t have many dating options. Therefore, she will think you are not very attractive.
You can use something else as “cute”, you can even personalize the compliment, but don’t be too pushy.
I often use the phrase “seem” which indicates that I’m not 100% convinced about her yet. It seamlessly communicates to her, that she has to work a little to earn my appreciation but it won’t make me a jerk. It intuitively shows that I have other options among the girls.
So far, this opening line is very simple, but here comes the nitty-gritty of the best online dating opener.
Modern research shows that regardless of wealth, race, age, and worldview, women are attracted to men who successfully present their high status. Most guys think that high status means money and an extravagant lifestyle, but it couldn’t be further from the truth. Of course, money can be a sign of high status, but so many other qualities as well. Women see the high status as we look at the hot female body, a nice ass, round breasts, and a gorgeous face.
I made a chart for you to demonstrate what qualities women love on guys:
In my ebook, The Book of Online Seduction I talk about all these signs of masculine attractive qualities and the way you should convey these in a certain way to boost your attractiveness. I do it for years and I’m abundant with cute and hot girls.
Photos are not enough: As you can see, there are 7 main characteristics of high status, and your photos can cover only 3 of them: Health, Appearance, Lifestyle. Of course, photos can be a huge advantage but often they are not enough to make her attracted to you from the beginning.
How do you communicate these high-status qualities? There are easy ones like your goals, achievements, job, lifestyle, etc. And there are a bit more challenging ones like humor, confidence or emotional independence, but more about those later.
I often text the following information about my high-status qualities in my opening line. I usually text three cool parts of my life:
„I’m working as a coach, when I have the time I travel, and I used to be a professional football player.”
This adds a lot more sauce in my attractiveness. But beware of the following: Stay factual! I mean, don’t brag, don’t say how great you are, because it can backfire.
Now you may say to yourself that “Shit, I have no such cool things!”
As long as you didn’t live your life in a cave, there are things you do very well or even excellently. You don’t have to be an astronaut or a rock star to have an attractive lifestyle (although it helps). The point is you have to have a strong WHY behind your life.
Even the first thing that seems completely average can be written for girls to be exciting and appealing to them.
If you have a great job, then it already conveys signs of high status (=attractiveness). If you have an average job, you can still have a good position, or the company itself can be a reputable corporation. If you work for a small company, you can text her that you are responsible for many things. If you have your own business, then you’re a f*cking entrepreneur which is more than awesome.
If you are studying at a university / high school or have recently graduated, share with her its details. If you are studying on an exciting faculty, it’s cool, but if you feel that this is not enough, say something about your plans with your degree.
Big goals are desirable. You can talk about your goals, but don’t lie, and don’t come up with goals to flatter girls. Create goals for yourself:
The FIRST RULE OF HIGH-STATUS says:
“The more impact you make on others, the more power you have.”
The more power means higher status which leads to an increase in your attractiveness. If you can make a great first impression you will get her attention.
So far we laid the foundation of a cool guy with attractive traits.
There is another rule for power, and therefore attractiveness that only a few guys know about.
Remember the school’s coolest boy? He was confident, and everyone laughed at his jokes regardless of whether it was funny or not. These guys were the center of the group and girls wanted to know them, to talk to them.
The FIRST RULE OF HIGH-STATUS can be applied to them.
But there was another type of guy. The bad boy who rarely showed up in school and who did whatever he wanted. He wasn’t influenced by anyone or anything. Girls crave for these guys.
It’s because THE SECOND RULE OF HIGH-STATUS:
“The less others can influence you, the more power you have”
In my openers, I try to look like a laid-back and hilarious guy. Someone who isn’t touched emotionally by the look of a hot woman. Someone who dares to talk about his flaws and can share playful things about himself because. Women can sense this non-needy behavior and they find this attractive.
Why? Because only guys dare to say silly and playful things about themselves who don’t care if they are rejected by girls…
Therefore, these guys must have a lot of other dating options.
Therefore, other girls must have found these guys attractive in the past.
I know it’s a little twisted, but believe me, it works. And it works really well.
I call the non-needy behavior as “emotional independence”. I talk a lot about how to show your emotional independence and more importantly, how to become an emotionally independent guy in my ebook because it is SOOO EFFECTIVE online and in the real world as well.
If you write this part well, I guarantee that it will separate you from the crowd. She won’t just look at you as someone who is doing great in life, but who is also funny, light-hearted, and emotionally uninvested.
You can be seen as an emotionally independent guy if you show your imperfections, your flaws, your silly habits, and put them into a funny frame. I often use this line:
“I sing alone, it’s hard for me to wake up in the mornings and in primary school, I was the best at drawing squirrels.“
Why talk about flaws?
Isn’t your online dating opener supposed to be about your best side?
Well, when you only talk about your great qualities and values, a lot of times it comes off as bragging or at least some effort to make her like you. Your imperfections are balancing your high-status qualities, and also makes you more credible and honest.
This technique aims to show your non-needy, or emotionally uninvested side, which drives girls crazy because it’s so rare among guys.
But note the following: I often include things that are funny, silly, things that women can identify themselves with. But I never share with them things that would affect my attractiveness negatively, like “I’m often late from meetings.”
· I often search for clothes that have long been on me
· I like drinking Cola without bubbles
· I often find the longest line when shopping
False qualification shows your playful and non-needy personality by showing off with something lame, childish, or hilarious. Well-executed false qualification makes you appear non-needy and makes girls laugh because they are used to guys bragging about themselves.
“I usually cross the road when the traffic light is red”
“I can make the best hot chocolate in the country.”
“I almost won the district math competition when I was 10.”
“I can multiply numbers very quickly … between 1 and 10.”
Putting all together
So this is one of my final online dating openers:
“Hey Jessica, I’m Ryan. You seemed cute so I swiped you right. I’m working as a coach, when I have the time I travel, and I used to be a professional football player. I sing alone, it’s hard for me to wake up in the mornings and in primary school, I was the best at drawing squirrels.”
After I create it, I save it in my notes or just copy it from my previous conversations.
But here comes a question I often hear:
Isn’t it a bad idea to just copy your opener and paste it into another conversation?
Well, there are debates about this method, but think of it this way:
Do you write different CVs when you apply for jobs? It’s not too common, right?. Maybe you re-write some parts differently, emphasize other parts, but most of it remains the same. Because you remain the same. Think of the online dating opener as your CV in the job market.
Increasing the response rate: There are 2 little tricks I can boost my already ridiculously high response with my advanced opener, from about 75% to 85%. You can check this out in my ebook.
How to change the online dating opener if you matched with someone before?
Sometimes I bump into girls that were my previous matches. If we didn’t talk, I don’t bother creating a new opener. I just copy and paste my original one.
But if we had a conversation, I alter my first opening message:
“Hey Jessica, it’s Ryan again. A short reminder about me: I’m still a coach, unfortunately, I still sing alone (RIP neighbors) I’m getting used to early wake-ups, and now I’m not only a master of squirrel drawing, but I discovered a secret talent: pancake cooking.”
Try out this formula today. You will be amazed at how many women will be stunned by your new opening line.
If you want a guide to text, date, sleep with very attractive girls, and even to have a relationship with them, then I highly recommend reading my ebook The Book of Online Seduction.