How to turn a girl on with text messages – Do these 4 things

Turn her on with text messages

Written by Ryan Cross

To turn on a woman with text messages before the first meeting will not only increase her level of interest but also, you can lead her way easier to a more sexual direction at your first meeting.
Arousing women is ideally not about you, but about getting her to a level where sexual escalation will be much easier. I always have a goal by making girls aroused: to make them think about me as a man they want to have sex with.

How can you turn on women through text messages?
You need to display confidence and dominance while developing rapport with her. By using detailed, descriptive language when you are texting her, she can imagine sexual scenarios. Women desire a powerful man who they can influence with sexuality.

How do women turn on?


Physical attractiveness and hot photos can help you a lot, but it’s hardly ever enough to turn her on when we’re dealing with online dating apps like Tinder. You will also need some texting skills to build attraction and to turn it into arousal.

Fortunately, you can turn on a bunch of women on a psychological level without having model pictures on your dating profile. Don’t overthink the importance of your appearance. 

If you’ve matched with girls, I guarantee that you can turn on a substantial percentage of them.

I turned on literally hundreds of women over years with text messages, while a few of my very handsome friends can’t even have a normal conversation with them.

Women often begin to be attracted to a man’s dominant, confident, leading personality, skills, humor, and behavior, or even how other guys and girls treat him. These qualities make women attracted on a psychological level, from where you can turn things sexual step-by-step with text messages. 



The concept of female arousal


Why is it arousing for women when a dominant man undresses them and push them to the wall, while it’s a turn off for them when another chap asks if he can touch her? For a long time, women were thought to be attracted to the man who gives them physical and emotional security and commitment. 

But in fact, for a man who can provide security and commitment only makes him husband material, not someone who women want to sleep with. 

The process of how women turn on is very simple, yet few people know about it:


“Women are turned on by a powerful man who they can influence with sexuality.”


It means you have to be seen as a powerful, attractive guy in the first place before anything sexual happens between the two of you. The other key element is influence. Women desire mostly those men who also desire them. 


The process of female arousal


When you understand the concept of female arousal, you understand why romantic movies and novels are written in a specific way. For example Twilight Saga, or Fifty Shades Series.

In these novels, we have an attractive, mysterious male character who has a tremendous amount of power (wealth, leadership, control, dominance, etc). But his life is changed forever after he meets a special someone. The essence of these two best-seller novels isn’t in their plot. Their stories are quite lame. Their success is based on women’s ancient and deepest desires: the desire to be desired by an incredibly attractive man.

The process goes like this:

The powerful, high-status, charming guy is doing his normal daily job, i.e. governs his business empire, or kills bears with bare-hands and sucks their blood. For lunch.

This incredibly attractive guy has total control over his life, and no one – including very hot women – can stray him away from his goals.
But one day this guy gets to know THE EVERYDAY GIRL (the girl almost any woman can identify with). A girl who can influence him somehow with her innocence, beauty, personality, etc. Our hero slowly lets his emotions take control over his decisions.

Finally, this male protagonist can’t resist the heroine’s attractiveness therefore he begins to sexually escalate her. It finally turns female attraction into physical arousal.
Note that it’s women’s deepest evolutionary desire to control a very attractive man with sexuality because they can gain resources like physical and emotional security, status, power, resources, etc.

Okay! So, you’re chatting with a hottie, and you want to bring some excitement into the conversation. Essentially you just need to follow this 3-phase process above to turn her on.


  1. present your attractive self
  2. display dominance in a subtle, invisible way
  3. imply sexual thoughts in her mind
  4. express your sexuality with her

Presenting the attractive self


I’ve talked about it in other blog posts. You can find them here:

Successful Tinder Conversation for Guys

How to talk to girls online – 7 actionable tips for guys

How to create funny Tinder messages – 10 amazing techniques

How to date beautiful women – 3 mindsets | 5 techniques



Displaying subtle dominance

Present yourself in a way, where she looks at you as a powerful, confident, and subsequently dominant guy. 

When she accepts your dominance, it will be incredibly easy to trigger her sexuality, therefore some girls will eagerly send sexual photos and messages to you.

It’s important that by dominance I don’t mean rudeness or aggressive behavior, only decisiveness and control. 

How to build up your dominant character?


Establishing dominance builds strong attraction, but it’s so easy to get it wrong. Be a little bit too aggressive or demanding, do it too early or too much, and she loses all interest at once because she will think you’re a faker.

Saying confidently “send me something sexy” or “let’s get on a date” after 5 minutes of small talk feels unauthentic and she will unlikely to fulfill your wishes.

However, if you build up your dominance in small steps, sooner or later she will happily jump into sexual conversations or flirty messaging with you. These subtle techniques make wonders to your dominance and attractiveness:

  • ” I think I like you” is dominant because a statement of intent is dominant. Adding “I think” prevents her from losing interest because she now has to chase your full validation.

  • “You’re cute” because it makes her feel small and somewhat inferior without offending her.

  • Teasing also works, because the “teaser” always in a higher position (he judges the other), but since the whole situation is based around humor and fun, girls don’t feel that you want to oppress them.

  • Playfully disagreeing with her. Make sure to follow this up with something funny or witty.

  • Nicknames: coming up with some funny nicknames also strengthens your dominance in a playful way. Give her a hilarious nickname (for example Barchoba Champion, if she really sucks at barchoba. But avoid the creepy ones like honey, darling, sweetie, beauty, because they are not only cheesy, but you will appear needy.

  • “I like that” (if she says something smart). Most guys are afraid to state their opinion. When you validate her opinion by saying “You are right”, it shows that you have your own ideas about things and you don’t bend your reality to impress her. It only works if you also say when you don’t agree with her.


Once you’ve built some kind of dominance, chances are you can successfully turn her on with sexual and intimate messages.


Implying sexual thoughts in her mind

When writing your arousing texts, it’s essential to start with lighter topics, topics that generate desire in girls, but not specifically about sex.

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Sexual reference


With sexual references, you can tell sexual types of stories others did or said. With this technique, you can share very intimate topics with her without worrying about appearing weird. No one becomes upset if you tell a very sexual story about someone else.
The whole point is the context.
By impersonating others you can go as far as you want regarding sexual topics. In the worst-case scenario, she will shut you down because she is not used to this kind of message.

Expressing your sexuality

To turn her on, at some point she needs to feel that you desire her. When a man’s power and attractive behavior (texting skills) makes her attracted to him, this mental attraction is most readily transformed into a physical desire when she feels the man wants her.

 Why is that?

Recent discoveries show that women are somewhat narcissistic in this regard. Women can easily get excited if the guy wants them. Therefore, an engagement and a rapist fantasy can be both exciting. Both show an extreme desire for the woman. A man who can give up anything (preferably his high status) for a woman. Women want a passionate and uncontrollable desire from men — a desire to make an otherwise confident and determined man lose control.

The more sexual you approach the girl, the more excited she will become. It works a lot of times, even when she was uninterested a few minutes ago. 

Attractive personality generates attraction in a woman, but often only on a mental level. This is the long-term psychological attraction. On the other hand, sexual communication and behavior result in the need to have sex with you.




To show the girl that you care about her in a fun, flirtatious style generates trust; shows that you’re not trying to hide your interest (like most guys). Contrary to popular belief, most women like guys who like them too.

At the beginning of the conversation, if you show too much interest and if you haven’t built up a funny, dominant, confident character, your attempt to bring the conversation to a more sexual level may backfire. 

Like any other technique, don’t overdo it! The idea is to keep her in doubt that she doesn’t know what will happen to her, what can be expected of you. When complimenting a girl, make sure the compliment is as detailed and personalized as possible to be authentic!


Sexual language


You will be amazed at how far you can go with a girl when it comes to building her desire. Remember, messages open the way to women’s imagination.

Your job is to unlock this door and create a world where the two of you are comfortable, where you can imagine anything. Women are very easily get aroused by the detailed language. 

Don’t you believe it? 

Then, read some popular romance novels (for example the ones we discussed). You’ll be shocked by all the dirty things and erotic language you’ll see. For men, desire has a physical nature, whereas women experience it also on an intellectual and emotional level. 

Therefore, try to communicate with her in as much detail and color as possible. Create a more elaborate picture in her mind. The more detailed the story you share, the more you will be able to arouse her.

When you chat, you should be careful to describe your feelings and reactions like in books, as opposed to objectively outlining reality.



Once you have ignited her attraction and shown your playful side with the fun messages, shown your dominant side and you have developed some trust and harmony with her, it is time to immerse yourself in her deeper desires.
It can be surprising that as soon as you get here, she will often be sexually proactive.
As a man, it is your job to unleash her deepest sexual desires. How far you go is up to you and your relationship with her you developed until this point.



You can create tremendous sexual tension by utilizing her imagination. Make sure you handle these messages sparingly, as they are designed to build on the trust that you already have created between you.

When used correctly, sexually explicit texts will instantly excite the girl.

Many guys have the obsession that girls don’t like sex. But hey, here is the great secret… They do!

They love it so much that after the age of 35, the sexual drive of women is higher than that of men. Women just don’t want to look promiscuous, so men are expected to lead them to sex.

Statistics show that women are ten times more likely to search for sexual texts on the internet than men. It tells us that women live their sexuality on a psychological level. Describing in your messages what you would do to the woman allows them to experience the feelings they would have in real life. They can get turned on easily if you create a safe place in her mind without prejudice.

Use the words “imagine” and “feel” to instruct the woman to think of something. The “feel” command automatically gives the woman the feeling you describe to her. These words are very effective, so use them when you want her to imagine something. Critical points to the technique are self-confidence and control throughout the entire conversation. Women find sexually dominant men very attractive, accompanied by calm confidence.

Do you see that I jumped in the middle of a very sexual story about her and me? On the one hand, at this moment it’s a quite safe situation, she won’t get upset or she won’t feel weird, because the whole “sexting” started from a joke. On the other hand, I ended the message with an imaginary interruption (the pizza guy) that have benefits:

I look like a laid-back guy who doesn’t go nuts if he has a chance to experience something sexual with a hot girl. A lot of dudes become weird and needy when they find themselves in a situation where girls actually become sexually aroused.

If it turns out she isn’t into sexting, I can easily push the break without losing attraction.

She is into it? Then go ahead, continue what you’ve started.

But here’s something important: if you want to ask her out and continue to build her attraction and desire on your date, then use your sexual messages sparingly.
Over the years, I’ve realized that gradual attraction building works much better than going all in and trying to sexually escalate her until she comes over to sleep with you.
If it works, great.
If not, the next day you’ll have a hard time building up her attraction over again.

To get the most out of online dating or texting, you should increase her level of interest step-by-step. If you do so, then chances are you can build a stable, permanent attraction in her.

On the other hand, when you turn her on from nowhere, she may seem very attracted to you, but I’ve seen so many times that after a huge spike in her attraction level when she wants to make out with you comes a huge drop. The next thing you see is that she doesn’t text back.

If you practice a little with the techniques above, you’ll be surprised at how many times girls will open up sexually. Good luck!